Re: A QUICKIE Was: My own DOF confusion
Slightly exaggerated, imo. I seriously doubt I'd spend more than 3,500 $ in such an occasion. The last time I did that, I spent even less that that, and it took me just one day :-) Dario - Original Message - From: Tanya Mayer Photography [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Tuesday, March 23, 2004 11:50 PM Subject: RE: A QUICKIE Was: My own DOF confusion hehe! Ok, here's another goodie... A bit long, but very appropriate to this thread, IMO... Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Ultra Tune after driving 10,000klms since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money Spent: Oil Change $55.00 Coffee $2.50 Total $57.50 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $95.00. 2) Stop by Liquorland and buy a case of beer, write a cheque for $30.00, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end spanner. 9) Give up and use pliers. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: ! splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Swear. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up, crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) A mate shows up, finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work. 18) Sunday: Skip church because I gotta finish the oil change. Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to Liquorland buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first Litre of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawn mower fuel. 29) Discover that first Litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid pliers tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorpan in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin swearing fit. 34) Throw stupid pliers. 35) Swear for additional 10 minutes because pliers hit Miss August (2002) 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh litres of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23-43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $95.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $60.00 Total-- $4230.00 --You know the job was done and you know the job was done right
RE: A QUICKIE Was: My own DOF confusion
So, is this your new SIG? ;-O Collin -Original Message- From: Tanya Mayer Photography [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: 23 March 2004 22:50 To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] hehe! Here is one for you; WOMENS'S GUIDE TO DRIVING MEN CRAZY Do not say what you mean. Ever. Be ambiguous. Always. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago...or with other boyfriends. Make them apologize for everything. Stash feminine products in their cars, backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks. Look them in the eye and start laughing. Get mad at them for everything. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm. Hold grudges. Demand to be called or e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his Little Princess. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late. Talk about your ex-boyfriend, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Compare and contrast. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry. Gather many female friends and dance to I Will Survive while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud. Correct their grammar. Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little sister. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer. Leave out the good parts in stories. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing. Declare that you are not wacko. Criticize the way they dress. Criticize the music they listen to. Criticize their hair. Ignore them. When asked, What's wrong? tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them. Try to change them. Try to mold them. Try to get them to dance. Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted. When they screw up, never let them forget it. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting...just because. Blame everything on PMS. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them. Whenever there is silence ask them, What are you thinking? Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch. Read into everything. Over-analyze everything. Make it your goal to make them cry
RE: A QUICKIE Was: My own DOF confusion
lol, nope, mine is going to be... so much testosterone, so little bandwidth... ;-) tan. -Original Message- From: Collin R Brendemuehl [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Wednesday, 24 March 2004 9:58 AM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: RE: A QUICKIE Was: My own DOF confusion So, is this your new SIG? ;-O Collin -Original Message- From: Tanya Mayer Photography [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: 23 March 2004 22:50 To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] hehe! Here is one for you; WOMENS'S GUIDE TO DRIVING MEN CRAZY Do not say what you mean. Ever. Be ambiguous. Always. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago...or with other boyfriends. Make them apologize for everything. Stash feminine products in their cars, backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks. Look them in the eye and start laughing. Get mad at them for everything. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm. Hold grudges. Demand to be called or e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his Little Princess. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late. Talk about your ex-boyfriend, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Compare and contrast. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry. Gather many female friends and dance to I Will Survive while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud. Correct their grammar. Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little sister. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer. Leave out the good parts in stories. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing. Declare that you are not wacko. Criticize the way they dress. Criticize the music they listen to. Criticize their hair. Ignore them. When asked, What's wrong? tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them. Try to change them. Try to mold them. Try to get them to dance. Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted. When they screw up, never let them forget it. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting...just because. Blame everything on PMS. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them. Whenever there is silence ask them, What are you thinking? Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch. Read into everything. Over-analyze everything. Make it your goal to make them cry
Re: A QUICKIE Was: My own DOF confusion
Yeah, but the woman misses out on a day tinkering with cars and doesn't get any beer. That's $4230 well-spent in my book. ;-) S Tanya Mayer Photography wrote: hehe! Ok, here's another goodie... A bit long, but very appropriate to this thread, IMO... Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Ultra Tune after driving 10,000klms since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money Spent: Oil Change $55.00 Coffee $2.50 Total $57.50 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $95.00. 2) Stop by Liquorland and buy a case of beer, write a cheque for $30.00, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end spanner. 9) Give up and use pliers. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: ! splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Swear. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up, crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) A mate shows up, finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work. 18) Sunday: Skip church because I gotta finish the oil change. Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to Liquorland buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first Litre of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawn mower fuel. 29) Discover that first Litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid pliers tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorpan in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin swearing fit. 34) Throw stupid pliers. 35) Swear for additional 10 minutes because pliers hit Miss August (2002) 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh litres of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23-43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $95.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $60.00 Total-- $4230.00 --You know the job was done and you know the job was done right -Original Message- From: zoomshot [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Wednesday, 24 March 2004 8:34 AM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: RE: A QUICKIE Was: My own DOF confusion We needed a Sargent-at-Arms, before the name calling degenerates into a free-for-all, I nominate Dobo Cheers, Cotty A man goes into a cafe, looks at the menu, and says to the waitress, I'd like a quickie. The waitress gives him a dirty look and asks what he'd like for lunch. I want a quickie, the man repeats. The waitress slaps him in the face and orders him to leave. As he's leaving another diner says to him, I think it's pronounced quiche.
