Cynical University
Where all your ideas are derivative works of ours
Attempt all questions.
Part A (50 marks)
Scenario:
Mr A enjoys model railways so much, he wants to tell everyone about
them, so he decides to publish a free newsletter for all called
The Story of O Gauge. Learning the lessons of the other free
newsletters lying near telephone booths, he sets up an automated
printer-dispenser in Old Compton Street, which prints and dispenses
a copy of his newsletter each time its shiny red button is pressed
by anyone at all.
Quickly, he discovers that his newsletter is popular, for many
copies are dispensed to anyone that comes within arm's length;
but this popularity comes at a cost. So Mr A decides to defray
his dispensing expenses by asking Mr B, the owner of a local trinket
emporium, to pay him to give away their brochure, Astounding Trinkets!,
with his newsletter. They agree, but only on the grounds that
Mr B will pay one red cent for each brochure given away with
a copy of Mr A's newsletter.
Time passes, and Mr A is enraged to discover that he has
been giving away many more copies of his newsletter than the
Astounding Trinkets! brochure, which, in his mind, is
an integral part of the whole newsletter experience, and
not something the public is at liberty to ignore, throw
away or clean their ears with.
Questions:
1) On a scale of 'nowhere near long enough' to 'way too long',
how long has Mr A's brain been cooking on the Wishful Thinking grill?
2) On a scale of 'not at all' to 'exceedingly', how stitched up
has Mr A been by Mr B's transfer of business risk?
3) Using any international Laughing Policeman scale, how
helpless with mirth will PC C become when Mr A accuses
members of the general public Messrs D through Z of stealing
his newsletter that he chooses to dispense freely to all and
sundry? Will Mr A's case be strengthened if he also stamps
his little foot indignantly during these accusations?
4) Mr A decides to use DRM to restore economic sanity to
the surly public's enjoyment of his total content experience,
but he wants to keep them involved in the process for some reason.
So he asks his newsletter's readers which DRM model they
prefer; the overwhelming answer is: the one with the biggest tits.
List at least three dubious, yet profitable business opportunities
that Mr A sadly overlooks at this point.
5) Assume that Mr A started his dispenser at midnight on
Jan 1 2007, that he dispensed one hundred copies on that day,
that his newsletter dispensing grows at 375% per month,
and that his pent-up frustration grows exponentially with
dispensing figures. At what time will Mr A die from an
aneurysm if he never realizes that most potential
advertising impressions generate no response, and you
couldn't make some people read them if you put a gun
to their head?
6) How will the date of his demise change if, when he dispenses
his 50,000th copy, he discovers that two thirds of his
newsletters are being eaten by a local circus horse called
'Googlebot' that loves the taste of toner in the morning?
* Your exam continues after this important message **
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** And now, back to the exam. **
Part B (50 marks)
On a graph with 'Wastefulness' along the X axis and 'Obnoxiousness'
up the Y axis,, plot the size and position of all the advertising-supported
business models you know of. Keep the graph within the bounds
of good taste by calibrating it in mega-Saatchis, and by using
the colour scheme that you think will be most attractive
to avocado-eating ABC1 18-34-year-olds. Include a
statistically significant sample of their names, phone numbers
and tasteful photographs so that your answer can be verified
by an independent panel of lonely experts.
*** The remainder of the exam is sponsored by Sony Playstation 3 ***
Exam Raider X -- the Final Challenge (2,000 marks)
Compare and contrast the relative speed, fidelity and legal
vulnerability of the following copying machines:
* the Gestetner Automatic Cyclostyle
* the British Parliamentary rumour mill
* EMI Records
* Shawn Fanning's original Napster
Explain, in sufficient detail to prevail at appeal, how these legal
vulnerabilities can be avoided by any media player that Sony might
bring to market in the future.
Exam Raider XX -- the Ultimate Hurdle (20,000 marks)
Show how a rigorous, yet fair, system of intellectual property
governance, applied
