[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-tls-grease-03.txt

2019-08-14 Thread Francis Dupont 
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

.

Document: draft-ietf-tls-grease-03.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 20190803
IETF LC End Date: 20190812
IESG Telechat date: 20190822

Summary: Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:
 - ToC page 2 and 8 page 11: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments

 - 5 page 7: I have a concern about your use of the term random. In fact
  even it is a security document here random is just plain English
  (vs any crypto meaning). Constraints seems to be:
   * coverage: the set of used values should not be small
   * privacy: fingerprinting should not be easy
  I do not propose any solution: just follow recommendations of
  the security directorate in the case this point is a problem.

Regards

francis.dup...@fdupont.fr

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[Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02

2019-08-14 Thread Elwyn Davies via Datatracker 
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review result: Ready with Nits

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

.

Document: draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 2019-08-14
IETF LC End Date: 2019-08-14
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary:
Ready with a couple of nits.  The text of  para 2 of section 3 refers to an
initial state that is not applicable to the transition which requires this
update.  Emphasising continuity seems more appropriate.

Major issues:
None

Minor issues:
None

Nits/editorial comments:
Abstract, last  sentence (very picky): Technically, what has been removed from
the text of RFC 5377 are references to the IAOC.  Suggest s/IASA/IAOC which was
part of IASA/

s3, para 2, first sentence:  The first sentence was applicable to the original
creation of the licence policies and text when responsibility was initially
transferred to the trustees and is inappropriate for the current modification
of the trust organisation.  It could probably be safely deleted, or the
continuity could be emphasised by something like... OLD:
   The rough consensus described in this document reflects the agreement
   of the IETF as of the IETF Last Call, and the Trustees of the IETF
   Trust are to begin drafting license text and other materials to act
   on these instructions upon IESG approval of this document for RFC
   publication.
NEW:
   To ensure continuuty, the starting point for license text and other materials
   will be that previiysly created by the Trustees of the IETF under the
   authority of [RFC5377] which this document supersedes.
ENDS
This requires a reference to RFC 5377.

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Re: [Gen-art] [Iasa20] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02

2019-08-14 Thread Joel M. Halpern 
Thank you Elwyn.  I have applied both changes to my private copy.  I 
will submit when the chairs / ADs request.


Yours,
Joel

On 8/14/2019 6:42 PM, Elwyn Davies via Datatracker wrote:

Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review result: Ready with Nits

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

.

Document: draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 2019-08-14
IETF LC End Date: 2019-08-14
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary:
Ready with a couple of nits.  The text of  para 2 of section 3 refers to an
initial state that is not applicable to the transition which requires this
update.  Emphasising continuity seems more appropriate.

Major issues:
None

Minor issues:
None

Nits/editorial comments:
Abstract, last  sentence (very picky): Technically, what has been removed from
the text of RFC 5377 are references to the IAOC.  Suggest s/IASA/IAOC which was
part of IASA/

s3, para 2, first sentence:  The first sentence was applicable to the original
creation of the licence policies and text when responsibility was initially
transferred to the trustees and is inappropriate for the current modification
of the trust organisation.  It could probably be safely deleted, or the
continuity could be emphasised by something like... OLD:
The rough consensus described in this document reflects the agreement
of the IETF as of the IETF Last Call, and the Trustees of the IETF
Trust are to begin drafting license text and other materials to act
on these instructions upon IESG approval of this document for RFC
publication.
NEW:
To ensure continuuty, the starting point for license text and other 
materials
will be that previiysly created by the Trustees of the IETF under the
authority of [RFC5377] which this document supersedes.
ENDS
This requires a reference to RFC 5377.

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