Hello talk2,
Last night, then this morning I went to craigslist.org. This Website has
personal adds, help wanted, and even an Dell inspiron 2500 laptop that someone
is selling besides me.
Below are funny as hell best of craigslist post, I hope you find these make you
piss your pants like I almost did.
To My Sexually Satisfied Neighbour.
Date: 2006-10-30, 11:18AM PST
Dear Sexually Satisfied Neighbour:
I'd like to express my gratitude that your life has taken a turn for the better
and you are once again getting some. You are in fact, getting a lot! After
experiencing the not so gradual deterioration in your personal and domestic
welfare, I'm grateful for the relief from the fallout of your depression
following the split with your last boyfriend.
It was extremely sad that the break up coincided with the last hot spell. In
your depression it seemed you were unable to dispose of your garbage
appropriately, and took to leaving the bags on your balcony where they
proceeded to ripen very nicely. The only thing, or in this case, things,
preventing the crows from ripping into the bags was the sight of your two
dog-sized cats, perched and waiting for the opportunity to pounce.
This brings me to another point of gratitude. Thank you for finally cleaning
out your cats litter box!. Combined with the smell of ripe garbage, it was
drifting into my window and in the heat of summer ... need I say more? I'm
shocked your cats did not express their lack of appreciation and reward you
with parcels in inappropriate places. Or did they?
It was more than a little shocking to see a hot and dazzling beautiful woman
transform and lose her sheen and joie de vie! Dont get me wrong, you look hot
in Lululemon, but it should be freshly laundered Lulelemon. You can definitely
do the no make up thing and look hotter than hot. But you do need to shower and
wash your hair at the very least. I'm glad your depression is over and you are
once again taking care of your self and have found some one who is also happy
to take care of you. Evidently you and your new man are very compatible and he
has no problem locating your g-spot for you are once again your beautiful
glorious happy regular orgasmic self. Yeah for you!
It appears the new man in your life goes by the name of Oh Baby and that he
like to hear you scream his name at least three times a night. I hope you and
Oh Baby are happy for a long time as I much prefer to see a clean balcony with
a few plants on it. I really like being able to open my window without having
to test the air to see which direction the wind is blowing. I also like the
fact the the crows are no longer circling the area trying to land on your
balcony without falling prey to your massive cats
While I am glad you are once again being ecstatically fucked into blissdom, you
may want to consider closing the windows to your bedroom. The vigorous
thrusting and rutting is Olympic grade and the sessions are marathon. Really, I
am truly glad for you. However, as I am not directly involved and it is a very
regular occurrence, the titillation factor is rapidly diminishing. As our
bedrooms are back to back, I have taken to sleeping on my couch in the living
room so that there is more than a wall between the sound of your head board
hitting the other side of said wall and my ears. Thank god I didn't cheap out
and invested in a good couch Truly it is no hardship to sleep there, albeit
alone.
I'm looking forward to the next month of night shifts as it means I will be
able to once again sleep in my own bed without the lusty sound effects
intruding on my z's and making me painfully aware of my current monkish
state. I might even volunteer for a second month of nights in the hope that you
and Oh Baby will have gotten past this wildly exuberant intoxicating
infatuation phase to something less hectic, more heart based and designed for
long term love. Don't get me wrong, I want you to continue having wild
passionate sex: just something more conducive to living beside neighbours who
are not deaf.
In the meantime, please continue to enjoy fucking Oh Baby's brains out It makes
your skin glow and the spring in your step is delightful. It also provides some
great visuals for my morning jerk off in the shower sessions.
Profile Pet Peeves
Date: 2006-10-09, 5:49AM EDT
This applies to Myspace, Facebook, AIM profiles, and any other online medium
where narcissistic young people like me represent themselves. If you have one
or more of the following statements in your profile, I probably hate you. In no
particular order:
1) People who say music is my life, but don't play an instrument or sing at
all. Kind of lazy, no? Let me clue you in: your only relation to music is that
you consume it. You are to TV
