Re: bloopers

1999-05-26 Thread Dr. Bob Wildblood

Gee, I forgot, is it time for our bi-annual we should/we shouldn't share
student bloopers?



At 19:29 5/25/99 -0400, Louis_Schmier wrote:
But, you're not laughing at yourself.  You're laughing at others.


Make it a good day.

   --Louis--


Louis Schmier [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Department of History http://www.halcyon.com/arborhts/louis.html 
Valdosta State University
Valdosta, GA  31698   /~\/\ /\
912-333-5947   /^\  / \/  /~\  \   /~\__/\
 / \__/ \/  /  /\ /~\/ \
  /\/\-/ /^\_\/__/___/^\
-_~/  "If you want to climb mountains,   \ /^\
 _ _ /  don't practice on mole hills" -\


-
Dr. Bob Wildblood, Chair
Division of Business  Social Sciences
Northern Virginia Community College - Woodbridge
15200 Neabsco Mills Road
Woodbridge, VA  22191
Phone:  703.878.5705
FAX:703.878.5676

Co-Owner of COMMCOLL, 2 Year College Discussion List.
You cannot lead where you will not go,
You cannot teach what you do not know.

-



Re: bloopers

1999-05-26 Thread Linda M. Woolf


Hi Tipsters,
No student bloopers today. Instead, we have celebrity
quotes! And for no extra charge: Church
Bulletin Bloopers and Warning
labels!
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry . I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with
all those flies and death and stuff." -Mariah Carey-
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this
century's history...We all lived in this century. I didn't live in
this century." -Dan Quayle-
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the
law." -New York City Mayor David Dinkins-
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
rates in the country" -Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Barry-
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part
of your life" -Brooke Shields-
"You know it's hot when you wake up in the morning and it feels hot."
- Katie Couric (The Today Show):
Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever because we should not live
forever because if we were supposed to live forever then we would live
forever but we cannot live forever which is why I would not live forever"
-Miss Alabama 1994-
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who
make them unsafe" -Mayor Frank Rizzo-
Church Bulletin bloopers:
Church Bulletin Bloopers
"Don't let worry kill you --- let the church help."
"Thursday night --- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."
"The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
can be seen in the church basement Saturday."
"A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow."
"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice."
"The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of John
Michael Doe, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. John Doe." (Name changed to protect
the integrity of the people involved)
"Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing 'Put
Me in My Little Bed' accompanied by the pastor."
"Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's
Club. All ladies wishing to be 'Little Mothers' will meet with the pastor
in his study."
"This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and
lay an egg on the alter."
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs."
"This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends
of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends."
"Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving
milk will please come early."
"Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will
come forward and do so."
If anyone knows anything about telephone wiring, please call the church
office. Our phones are not working."
Warning:
This product may contain traces of Peanut - On a packet of salted
peanuts
"planes flying into the ground or mountains is a common cause for crashes."
- CNN International
Produce of more than one country - On a single Vanilla pod.
Warning - Flammable when lit. - On a Christmas candle
This camera only works when there is a film inside - On a Kodak Camera
Not for use with portable water. - On a hosepipe
Do not eat. - On a PVC airbed
Toyota has employed a scientist to develop a tree which absorbs
carbon dioxide in aid to improve global air quality - Don't all trees do
this already?
This product may contain bones. - On a pack of Chinese Spare Ribs
Not suitable for children under 5 years - On a "Happy 50th Birthday"
badge / pin
Warning - this appliance heats up when in use - On a kettle ?!?!
This chemical is found to cause cancer in California - What about the
rest of the world?
Warning - dangerous warning inside - On a CD player
No Sunset viewing on the morning tour - Brochure for Sunset Point in
Brunei
this label is not a significant source of information - On a box
of multi vitamins

"Dr. Bob Wildblood" wrote:
Gee, I forgot, is it time for our bi-annual we should/we
shouldn't share
student bloopers?
At 19:29 5/25/99 -0400, Louis_Schmier wrote:
>But, you're not laughing at yourself. You're laughing at others.

--
linda m. woolf, ph.d.
associate professor - psychology
webster university
main web page: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/
Holocaust and Genocide studies pages: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/holocaust.html
women's pages: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/women.html
gerontology pages: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/gero.html
mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's (and woman's) best friend. . .
.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."

-
Groucho Marx



Re: bloopers

1999-05-26 Thread Mike Scoles

From a few minutes research:

http://host20.bluehill.com/snopes/quotes/quotes.htm#carey

--
**
* Mike Scoles  *[EMAIL PROTECTED]*
* Department of Psychology *voice: (501) 450-5418*
* University of Central Arkansas   *fax:   (501) 450-5424*
* Conway, AR72035-0001 * *
 http://www.coe.uca.edu/psych/mscoles.htm 




Re: bloopers

1999-05-26 Thread Linda M. Woolf

Hi Tipsters,

Thanks to Mike Scoles for the following site information.  And I
apologize for maligning Ms. Mariah Carey with a quote that apparently has
its source in a parody.


 http://host20.bluehill.com/snopes/quotes/quotes.htm#carey


 However, it is nice to note that all of the following quotes are indeed
verifiable Dan Quayle lapses of language:

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and
child."

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit . . . Mars is somewhat the same
distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures
where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that
means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being
very wasteful. How  true that is."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in
this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live
in this century."

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy - but that could change."

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and
that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in
the future."

"The future will be better tomorrow."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and
have a tremendous impact on history."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a
firm  commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the
polls."

"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and
the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to
blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the
killings? The killers are to blame."

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having
it."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our
children."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it."

 "[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

--
linda m. woolf, ph.d.
associate professor - psychology
webster university

main web page: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/
Holocaust and Genocide studies pages:
http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/holocaust.html
women's pages: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/women.html
gerontology pages:  http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/gero.html

mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's (and woman's) best friend. . . .
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."
  - Groucho Marx




Re: bloopers

1999-05-26 Thread Mike Scoles

I'm no fan of Mariah Carey, or Marion Barry, or Dan Quayle--just a little
skeptical about what gets passed around the internet.  (And Linda did get one
of my favorite Dan Quayle quotes!)

--

"Linda M. Woolf" wrote:

 Hi Tipsters,

 Thanks to Mike Scoles for the following site information.  And I
 apologize for maligning Ms. Mariah Carey with a quote that apparently has
 its source in a parody.

 "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

**
* Mike Scoles  *[EMAIL PROTECTED]*
* Department of Psychology *voice: (501) 450-5418*
* University of Central Arkansas   *fax:   (501) 450-5424*
* Conway, AR72035-0001 * *
 http://www.coe.uca.edu/psych/mscoles.htm 




Re: bloopers

1999-05-25 Thread Louis_Schmier

But, you're not laughing at yourself.  You're laughing at others.


Make it a good day.

   --Louis--


Louis Schmier [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Department of History http://www.halcyon.com/arborhts/louis.html 
Valdosta State University
Valdosta, GA  31698   /~\/\ /\
912-333-5947   /^\  / \/  /~\  \   /~\__/\
 / \__/ \/  /  /\ /~\/ \
  /\/\-/ /^\_\/__/___/^\
-_~/  "If you want to climb mountains,   \ /^\
 _ _ /  don't practice on mole hills" -\