No student bloopers today. Instead, we have celebrity quotes! And for no extra charge: Church Bulletin Bloopers and Warning labels!
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry . I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -Mariah Carey-
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history...We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." -Dan Quayle-
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." -New York City Mayor David Dinkins-
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country" -Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Barry-
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life" -Brooke Shields-
"You know it's hot when you wake up in the morning and it feels hot." - Katie Couric (The Today Show):
Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever because we should not live
forever because if we were supposed to live forever then we would live
forever but we cannot live forever which is why I would not live forever"
-Miss Alabama 1994-
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe" -Mayor Frank Rizzo-
Church Bulletin bloopers:
Church Bulletin Bloopers
"Don't let worry kill you --- let the church help."
"Thursday night --- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."
"The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday."
"A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow."
"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."
"The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of John Michael Doe, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. John Doe." (Name changed to protect the integrity of the people involved)
"Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing 'Put Me in My Little Bed' accompanied by the pastor."
"Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club. All ladies wishing to be 'Little Mothers' will meet with the pastor in his study."
"This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter."
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
"This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends."
"Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early."
"Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so."
If anyone knows anything about telephone wiring, please call the church office. Our phones are not working."
Warning:
This product may contain traces of Peanut - On a packet of salted peanuts
"planes flying into the ground or mountains is a common cause for crashes." - CNN International
Produce of more than one country - On a single Vanilla pod.
Warning - Flammable when lit. - On a Christmas candle
This camera only works when there is a film inside - On a Kodak Camera
Not for use with portable water. - On a hosepipe
Do not eat. - On a PVC airbed
Toyota has employed a scientist to develop a tree which absorbs carbon dioxide in aid to improve global air quality - Don't all trees do this already?
This product may contain bones. - On a pack of Chinese Spare Ribs
Not suitable for children under 5 years - On a "Happy 50th Birthday" badge / pin
Warning - this appliance heats up when in use - On a kettle ?!?!
This chemical is found to cause cancer in California - What about the rest of the world?
Warning - dangerous warning inside - On a CD player
No Sunset viewing on the morning tour - Brochure for Sunset Point in Brunei
this label is not a significant source of information - On a box
of multi vitamins
"Dr. Bob Wildblood" wrote:
Gee, I forgot, is it time for our bi-annual we should/we shouldn't share
student bloopers?At 19:29 5/25/99 -0400, Louis_Schmier wrote:
>But, you're not laughing at yourself. You're laughing at others.
--
linda m. woolf, ph.d.
associate professor - psychology
webster university
main web page: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/
Holocaust and Genocide studies pages: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/holocaust.html
women's pages: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/women.html
gerontology pages: http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/gero.html
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's (and woman's) best friend. . .
.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."
-
Groucho Marx
