stale jokes
Ken thanks for the jokes. I like stale jokes. I also like British humour (British spelling included). I have a very dry sense of humour, most of the time no one gets my jokes. When you have to explain jokes they aren't jokes anymore, they become long stories. The Fred and Jenny Boone joke was funny. The Boone episode was on this week on MeTV. Just reminded me that leopard's just can't change their spots. I hope Goober didn't get sick with the nasty golf ball. ( I would've been sick for a year, YUCK). Gomer just goes to prove that he was not the sharpest tool in the tool-box. Margaret Floyd: "I'm going to Nashville." Margaret: I already live in Nashville. _ __ For information pertaining to Willis' email confidentiality and monitoring policy, usage restrictions, or for specific company registration and regulatory status information, please visit http://www.willis.com/email_trailer.aspx We are now able to offer our clients an encrypted email capability for secure communication purposes. If you wish to take advantage of this service or learn more about it, please let me know or contact your Client Advocate for full details. ~W67897 __ ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.wbmutbb.com/
pickle jokes
Been having trouble posting messages lately and I understand our server doesn't have enough wires. But I just loved Ken's pickle jokes, being a dill pickle enthusiast myself. I used to make my own with cukes grown by my beloved and one time ended up with an Aunt Bee bad jar. But most of the time I won blue ribbons at our local fair and he was real proud of me. Keep up the funnies Ken, I enjoy the chuckles that we all need!!! Aunt Bee of Orlando ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Pickle Jokes
Those pickle jokes were as bad as Aunt Bee's pickles. ;) But here's another one just as bad that I remember from a joke book that my brother had a lng time ago. Why do I remember such trivial trivialities? I don't know. Any way, here's the joke... Q: What's green and has a motor?A: An outboard pickle. (I warned you it was bad.) It's your fault if you read it anyway!! ;) Have a M(ayb)erry day! Lisa ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Aunt Bee Pickle Jokes
*Pickle Joke* *Q. Why are pickles in sandwiches so polite?* *A*. They're well bread! *Q. How can you tell when there's 1,000 pounds of pickles under your bed?* *A*. Because you're closer to the ceiling! *Q: What's green and wears a mask?* *A*: The Lone Pickle! *Q. What happens when a PICKLE is bored?* *A.* He becomes very DILL! *Q: What do you call a pickle you buy at a great price?* *A:* A sweet Dill! *Q. Should you ever eat pickles on an empty stomach?* *A.* Yes, but it's better to eat 'em off a plate! *Q. Who does a boy cucumber dig the most?"* *A.* The PICKLE DISH! *Q: What is green and carries a gun?* *A:* Marshall Dill! *Q: What is green and swims in the sea?* *A:* Moby Pickle!. *Q. When can you put pickles in the door?* *A*. When it's AJAR! *Q: What is green and goes through walls?* *A:* A pickle, But you have to throw it real hard! *Q: What is green and flies through the air?* *A:* Super pickle of course! *Q: What is the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?* *A:* If you don't know you should stop talking to your pickle! *Q. Why did the cucumber need a lawyer? * *A.* Because it was in a pickle! *Q: What do you call a pickle who is a bad loser?* *A: *A sour pickle! *Q. What is green and dangerous?* *A.* A thundering herd of pickles! *Q. What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium? * *A.* A trop-pickle fish! *Q: What do you call a frozen pickle hanging from the roof? * *A:* An Icepickle! *Q. What is green and pecks on trees? * *A. *Woody Wood Pickle! *Q. What's black and white, black and white, black and white, and green? * *A.* Three zebras fighting over a pickle! *Q. What is black and white and green and black and white?* *A.* Two penguins fighting over a pickle! *Q. What's red and green and guides Santa's sleigh? * *A.* Rudolph the red-nosed pickle! *Q. Why doesn't a pickle like to travel?* *A.* Because it's a JARRING experience! *Q. How do you prepare a pickle sunDAE?* *A.* You start getting it ready friDAE and saturDAE! *Q. What business does a smart pickle go into?* *A*. He opens a DILLY-catessen! *Q. What's green and red all over?* *A.* A sunburned pickle! *Q. What do you get when you cross an Alligator with a pickle?* *A*.A crocoDILL! *Q. Why do gherkins giggle a lot?* *A.* They're PICKLish! -- Ken Anderson The Mayberry Guru 2906 May Street Eau Claire, Wisconsin 54701 www.themayberryguru.com www.mayberryreflections.com ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Practical jokes
It was fun to read that story about Mister Schwamp again. Those who are good at anagrams will have noticed immediately that there was something very familiar about the letters in Patch S. Wimmers and Camp Threw Miss. These are rearrangements of the letters M-I-S-T-E-R-S-C-H-W-A-M-P. As to the anagram of Poi Falls OR I will leave that as an exercise to whoever is reading this. New trivia question: name an example of a time in Mayberry when someone played a joke on someone. I don't mean TELLING a joke (like when Howard was on the talent show) but PLAYING a joke on somebody. For starters, there are four separate jokes that Andy played on Barney while Barney was asleep on the job. Paul Mulik ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Jokes
That mean boy and Opie played a joke on Goober so he thought his dog could talk. That joke wasn't funny - it was rather mean-spirited, but I guess there was a good lesson in that episode. Lisa ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Practical Jokes
My favorite was when Andy put Barney's covers under the bottom of the bed while he was napping. I also liked it when Andy sent Barney outside to look for Blackie. ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Tricks, Practical Jokes, and Attempts at Fooling People
Andy put lipstick on Barney. Andy hid Barney's shoes. Andy put the bed spread under the legs of the beds. Andy changed the hats on Barney. Opie buzzed Andy with a handshake buzzer. Opie put a spring snake in Andy's newspaper. The town loafers disconnect Barney's sidecar. Andy and Barney set up Bert Miller as a joke on old Ben. Andy took Henry Bennett fishing as a joke on Barney. Andy wore an old hat and tie when Inspector Case came. When Andy and Barney were going on a date and Barney was arranging the seating Andy jumped in the front seat next to Barney. Opie and his friend hid a microphone on Goober's dog Spot so he would think Spot could talk. Goober and Andy told Opie's friend that a man had a horse to sell and Spot could tell them. Andy put a radio in the desk drawer so he could trick Andy into thinking Opie's goldfish could talk. Andy sold Barney a nickle with the buffalo facing the wrong way. Andy fooled Barney about where Malcolm was from. Andy fooled the Darlings with the invisible ink trick. Andy and Goober fooled the Darlings with the upside down stuffed owl. Andy passed Ernest T off as his cousin Ollie from Boston. Barney dressed up in women's clothing twice to try to fool the people at the bank and also the bookie barber. -- Ken Anderson The Mayberry Guru 2906 May Street Eau Claire, Wisconsin 54701 www.themayberryguru.com www.mayberryreflections.com ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
jokes
Not to besmirch Dan's opinion but I love Ken's jokes. I usually email when one particularly cracks me up; I tell him he's killin' me! I wish he'd write another book with his humorous take on all things Mayberry. I think it'd be a good seller and I know I'd buy a copy! Aunt Bee of Orlando ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Female Jokes on the Digest
All this talk about the males and females, well here in Wisconsin we have an easy way to tell the difference between a male and female fly. The male flies land on our beer cans and the female flies land on our telephones. -- Ken Anderson The Mayberry Guru 2906 May Street Eau Claire, Wisconsin 54701 www.mayberryreflections.com ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Ken's jokes
I'm not saying they are bad but if you flew a bird through the room every one of them would point. ;) ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Ken's Jokes
I may be a lone wolf here, but I think Ken's jokes are pretty clever and funny. I actually wish I would have thought of the repaint and thin no more line. As a matter of fact, I think Ken is so funny that We ought to book him on one of those excursion lines. :-) Brian Kaufman ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
KEN'S JOKES
Sure looks like Ken is getting a lot of play from the folks on the Bulletin Board these days. Rightfully so, I must say!! He cracks me up constantly when he makes his posts. Very funny manI think he was right though when he said he might have a little too much time on his hands...just kidding Ken, you're a Prince of a fellow, and a BIG part of what makes this site such an enjoyable experience. Hats off to you! Bob Castrucci (tied with Anita as Cincinnati's biggest TAGS fan) ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Ken's Jokes
Is there anything we can do about Ken Anderson? I tried to just grin and bear it but my jaw's getting' tired. dan ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Bad Jokes
Aunt Bee: Andy, Andy, Ken Anderson is telling bad jokes again. You've just got to do something about it. dan ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Re: ken's jokes, ken's interview, and all
I enjoy ken's jokes they make a mayberry Day better. Congrats on the tv interview, ken. And thanks for keeping us all awake here on the newsletter. I've had the bucket on my head all day about the lunch thelma lou bought gomer and it being breakfast. And, even though the thinking bucket is a god one, I can't really think of anything else about lunch except we folks of the south eat breakfast foods anytime of the day and usually breakfast is cheaper than the other meals. It's been wet weather across the south. So every one stay safe and dry. Sande Riggs President At The Crossroads Chapter Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Jokes on Barney
How about when Andy memtions that Barney might want to go see old Doc Andrews You know I have been havin palapatations, I didn't mention that Miz Lesh out by ol man kelseys ocean ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
Andy's Practical Jokes
I would like to know which practical joke Andy played on Barney do our members think was the best one. I have listed below the ones that I came up with. If you would like to vote, just send me an email at kanderson8...@charter.net and put the letter of the one you select in the subject line. I will post the results later next week. A. Andy putting lipstick on Barney while he is sleeping on the bench outside Crowley's Market. B. Andy putting the cot blanket under the legs of the cot so Barney couldn't get off the cot. C. Andy telling Barney that the user of his after shave should wear gloves. D. Andy calling Juanita for Barney to make a trouble check. E. Andy hiding Barney's shoes in the desk drawer. F. Andy switching hats on Barney so the one he put on would come down over is ears. G. Andy pretending that Opie's Goldfish could talk. H. Andy calling Aunt Bee and saying Barney was talking everyone out to eat Chinese. I. Andy putting on the crazy hat and polka dot tie when the inspector was coming. J. Andy and Opie getting Barney to believe that Opie had a horse named Blackie. K. Andy giving Barney a piece of chalk and telling him to go mark the double parked cars. L. Andy taking Barney's gun away from him while they are playing cards. Kenneth G. Anderson 2906 May Street Eau Claire, WI 54701 715-839-8470 www.mayberryreflections.com kanderson8...@charter.net ___ WBMUTBB mailing list WBMUTBB@wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
