Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
________________________________
27th March 2009
29th Rabi ul
awwal 1430
FRIDAY SUPPLEMENT
How An Ideal Husband
Most Muslim men would like to be ideal husbands. And most Muslim women would,
no doubt, like to be married to one. But, for some reason, the men are not
ideal husbands, and the women will almost surely admit that they didn't marry
one. So, why the discrepancy between our sincere aspirations and reality? Is it
an inability on the part of the man, an impossible goal; or is it perhaps that
we do not even know what an ideal Muslim husband is?
Wrong Concept of an Ideal Husband
Muslim men looking for wives advertise themselves as doctors, engineers, and
financially secure. Muslim women appear to be on the lookout for an established
professional or more likely a handsome MD. Rarely do Muslim men and women even
mention character, religious convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most,
they might be mentioned as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe that a
man is an ideal Muslim husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and
comes from an influential family. And the divorce rate among Muslims continues
to rise.
As Muslims, we must base our judgment on what makes an ideal Muslim husband on
the guidance of Allah (swt) and the example of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), not on
the standards of a TV sitcom, the culture in which we were born, or our own
materialistic mentality. In fact being an ideal Muslim husband has very little
or nothing to do with the amount of money one has, physical beauty, or the
prestige of one's job. Rather, it has to do with one's commitment to Allah
(swt), one's knowledge of and willingness to follow the guidance of Allah (swt)
and the Prophet's example, and one's commitment to do righteousness even in
difficult situations. The ideal Muslim husband should be humble, gentle, kind,
considerate, caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate with
others in the family rather than dictate rules, helpful in the house, involved
in raising the children, and never abusive either physically or mentally.
First Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Hot Temper
A major problem in some Muslim marriages unfortunately is the husband's hot
temper and harsh behavior. Some even go so far as to abuse their wives. There
should be no violence between husband and wife and Muslim men should not be the
kind of tyrannical fathers whose children run away and hide when their father
comes home. We have to separate our non-Islamic cultures from Islam. The ideal
Muslim husband will base his behavior on Islam, not on his Arab, American, or
Pakistani culture.
Second Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Egoistic.
Another major problem in Muslim marriages is the husband's failure to consider
his wife's opinions. In fact, the failure of the Muslim Ummah as a whole has to
do with our failure in practicing the concept of Shura (consultation). People
think that they are right and others are wrong. We will do much better if we
consider the opinions of others and let them feel that they are a part of the
decision-making process. Along the same lines,if a woman makes a true (haqq)
point, the husband should submit to it. He should in no way reject a point just
because it comes from a woman. Demonstrating the huge difference between the
way the Prophet (SAWS) dealt with his wives and the way Muslim men deal with
their wives today,there was the time when Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was sleeping
under one cover with his wife Ayesha, and he asked her permission to get up to
pray.
Third Characteristic of an
Un-Ideal Husband: Unhelpful
The failure to help in the house and to help with the raising of the children
are well-known weaknesses of husbands. It’s clear from the ahadith that Prophet
Muhammad (SAWS) helped in the house, and Abdul Malik Mujahid says that a man
cannot be an ideal Muslim husband, or even close to a good husband, if he
leaves the responsibility of children completely to the mother. Khadija
Haffagee tells the story of a father who took a three-month-old infant to pray
with him and after the prayer did the 'tasbih" on the child's hand. This, she
said, was training by the father. When training our children, we should be
careful not to raise sons with a double standard where they have no household
responsibilities. If we do, they will likely grow up with the attitude that
they don't need to do this kind of work --- that they are above it.
Prophet: An Ideal Father
As a beautiful example of a healthy father-child relationship,is the story of
how the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) used to stand up for his daughter Fatima, kiss
her, and give her his seat when she came to him. This was in an age when people
preferred sons and looked down on having daughters. With this simple act, the
Prophet (SAWS) showed us how to express love and affection for our children ---
an essential quality for an ideal Muslim husband.
An Ideal Ex-Husband
Being an ideal Muslim husband, however, goes even farther than the marriage.
Even after a divorce, a Muslim husband must strive to be the best ex-husband. A
husband shouldn't be Mr. Kindness in marriage and then treat his wife badly in
divorce. He must divorce her in the best manner with good treatment.
Source: video by sound vision: “The Ideal husband”
________________________________
Tabligh Sub Committee - KSI Jamaat, DSM
P. O. Box 233, Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania
Tel.:+255 22 2115119 / Fax.: +255 22 2127555
Website: www.dartabligh.org <http://www.dartabligh.org/> ,
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