On Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 1:58 AM, Ravi Bellur <[email protected]> wrote: > I must admit in my time here I am somewhat surprised at the bullshit women > have to put up with here, and that they seem to put up with it. If they want > this to end they need to fight back (metaphorically through many channels: > political, legal, community, self-defense, etc.). It can be done and there > will be conscientious people who may happen to have a Y chromosome who will > help, on principle.
Men do support the women in their lives but that support may not extend to "all" women in the public sphere. The support also does not necessarily translate into a "women-friendly" policy/action in a public level. I see a difference, as in, she could be self-sufficient, educated (or less), emancipated (or not), independent, free thinking individual but her immediate family and friends would be her only source of support. While a man who might be protective of women in his family and want them to be free, etc... he would hardly feel guilty while assaulting a female stranger and care less about helping her or extending the similar freedom he takes for granted and enjoys. > I'm still trying to comprehend on what basis single women in an apartment > can be so nefariously dangerous. I don't think I get it (it being the > specious reason that these landlords believe). Here, society (at large) views women differently and as far as public spaces go, the lack of a support system (no 911 , legal and health support systems or anti-abuse laws) is glaring. She does have it tough as change is easier imagined than implemented. Partly because in the last decade some changes have been very rapid and made inroads (even into rural India)... the influx of foreign channels, aspirational changes, growth in economy, some legal changes in inheritance laws (and also those like : not insisting on giving a fathers name to the child in school, women can retain their last name, single (never married) women adoption facilities, ...), etc. The biggest and most visible change was women being allowed to go to school and University (and hence being allowed to travel distance to pursue a career and financial independence), something the earlier generation of women and her grandmother's generation never got. Hence, women are *expected* to be grateful for that freedom and yet *taught* that her final destiny is still marriage (and kids) and creating a good home. I doubt if culture or tradition has anything to do with it as different people interpret the word "family" differently. My unscientific analysis is, the pressure just upped for women with each generation wherein, while there is newer changes, there is no reduction in the expectations or responsibilities (or housework) she does. These have increased and the demand for a "super woman" is even more. The corresponding change of men handling house work or looking after babies has not gone up. While the social stigma for a divorcee or a widow is less, her responsibilities towards family have not reduced. Here, Sita is oft cited as the epitome of a dutiful wife and yet certain aspects of her life (refusal to prove her virtue (agnipariksha) and choice of leaving her sons and her husband instead of walking on fire) are rarely highlighted as virtuous and worthy of following. The blinded one-track views and "lets-discard-the-unpalatable-bits" of the cultural/traditional brigade that uses mythology/religion to subjugate women is the scary part. > I come from a country where > almost everyone has premarital sex (men AND women), and with mutiple > partners in serial (sometimes in parallel for the kinky types) over time, > before they get married. Plenty of dating. And we're prudes compared to the > Europeans or Aussies. People make their choices of their free will with Allow me to cite some differences. It may not be directly related and yet "gender" is relevant in the sphere of things. While women (in the US) have individual (sexual) freedom and are taught the same in school and get a lot of help from a legal perspective in case of abuse, I still wonder if she has it all !! Purely from a gender perspective (sans political agendas), it was strange to see the sexist (my fathers words) attitude towards Hillary Clinton (would a coloured woman's laughter have been called a cackle?) or the insistence of portraying the perfect family (Sarah Palin?) at the helm. It was strange to see the higher standards a female leader was held to whilst a common woman has complete personal freedom. The reverse is true in India where we have men idolising and (literally) falling at the feet of women leaders whose personal lives are anything but culturally traditional as far as the usual definitions go. This difference is inscrutable. -- .
