On Fri, Jul 4, 2014 at 8:56 AM, Shoba Narayan <[email protected]> wrote:
> I'm now at a stage where I am restless if she's not around, even > > though I don't have much to say when she is. I'm not an authority on love > > and I probably wouldn't recognize it if you brought it to me on a plate > > with watercress around it, but I suspect this could be it, at least > partly. Oh well, can't keep quiet any more..sorry to break in on a paean of happiness with a sour note! My marriage...well, I can talk about it, a year and a half since the final decree...was an arranged one, which I went into very reluctantly, with intense pressure from my family,both immediate and extended. My spouse was...is.... a very good person...and we did try to make it work...not just a short-term effort, but for 30+ years, after which it was clear that it wasn't working. June 2 would have been 38 years. As a housewife...I was devastated for a while, and it's taken a huge, huge effort (as much as I put into trying to make the marriage work) to come out the feeling of rejection, to sort out the major psychological problems I went through...and I am not sure I am still completely out of it, as a sudden feeling of sadness and grief at the death of my marriage washes over me now and then. I wanted a marriage...what I got, I think, was the role of housewife and central-figure in an extended family, with responsibility and no authority, and continuous pressure to conform to the TamBram Mami mould. I tried, for decades.... and found it more and more difficult. I gave up my activities thrice to follow my husband's career; and when it was asked of me for the fourth time, I refused. My spouse's reaction was, "If you could do it thrice, why not again?" and mine was, "Because I've done it thrice, I won't do it again." Both valid points of view, I suppose! I wish I'd followed my instincts, and said "no" that day in 1976....but oh well, there have been some good times, too, and I have a wonderful daughter as a result. So...I guess, no regrets...most of the time! I'm amazed that I can even talk about it now...the wound was so deep, that I just couldn't, for a long time. But I am glad my spouse broke it up, rather than have us in the meaningless shell of a marriage. Sorry, once again, for striking the wrong note. On a happier one, I am in a happy, though rather complicated, relationship now, though I don't think I will marry again. Cheers, Deepa. Deepa.
