Thank you Rashmi and Charanya. Thank you Madhu for sharing that video. I saw it.
Yes, I have read Jerry Pinto's Em and The Big Hoom, and know of A Book of Light. I was reluctant to read the latter because while already being in the company of darkness, did not feel like reading more of those kind of stories! James Thurber, Ogden Nash, Gerald Durrell, or just seeing some antics of Dogmatix would be more like it! :-) Yes, this was essentially a reaching out. Feel like writing about some things related to all this on my blog but refrain from doing so because my brother and other family members will likely not like it. Personally, I keep the following stance about sharing uncomfortable stuff, in Sahir Ludhianvi's words हमारा राज़ हमारा नहीं सभी का है चलो कि सारे ज़माने को राज़दाँ कर लें (our secret is not ours alone but everyone's, let's make everyone privy to it -- for it is the same stories everywhere and sharing helps) as do all the wonderful people who come out and talk about mental illness. Thanks once again, for all the responses. -- Vani Murarka * vani expressions - blog writings <http://manaskriti.com/vani-expressions/> * काव्यालय (Kaavyaalaya: House of Hindi Poetry) <http://kaavyaalaya.org> * गीत गतिरूप - कवि का अनोखा साथी <http://manaskriti.com/geet-gatiroop> On 16 January 2018 at 09:56, Rashmi Dhanwani <[email protected]> wrote: > Hi Vani, > > Thanks for sharing that intensely personal narrative and the choices you > have made in your journey. I think it's incredible to see you arrive at > such level-headed mechanisms to deal with what is obviously a complex > situation. So first up, pat back! That I would say is the first and the > most important step - to acknowledge your role as a difficult one and your > own courage in working through the situation with such wisdom. When it gets > too much to deal with, it's perhaps best to go back to this step and take a > deep breath. > > I have been a caregiver for several years, and a combination of everything > above that others on this thread have mentioned has helped -- therapy, > self-care, reading, empathising and constant self-reflection. But perhaps > what has been the most helpful is developing and choosing to rely on an > incredible support system of friends and family with whom you can just > talk. Someone to make chai, to lend an ear, suggest a good mediclaim policy > or take you out to dinner -- all those little things you expect from > friends become a lifeline when you are a caregiver. Anything that helps you > lessen the load, any helping hand you find of use... I would say seek it > and demand it if need be (as long as it is not unreasonable of course). > > Also, it helps to learn to recognise when it gets too much to process on > your own (like you probably did while writing this mail) and reach out, cuz > as one of my closest friends once told me, 'if you are the one drowning in > the well, how can you think to save others?' That aside, Jerry Pinto has > written a couple of fabulous books on the issue. *Em and the Big Hoom* > <https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/may/03/em-and-the- > big-hoom-jerry-pinto-family-life-bombay> > is a work inspired by Jerry's own life, while *A Book of Light* > <https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/ > books/features/Jerry-Pinto-puts-together-A-book-of-Light/ > articleshow/53537831.cms> > is a collection of narratives by caregivers in India, both beautifully and > sensitively written and edited. > > Happy to take this offline and talk further. > > R > > Regards, > > Rashmi Dhanwani > > > > > On Mon, Jan 15, 2018 at 10:58 AM, Vani Murarka <[email protected]> > wrote: > > > I have multiple sclerosis. It is a result of trying to meet the ailment > > proactively and as responsibly as I can, that I learnt about observing > the > > energy space in me and others. > > > > My brother has bipolar. Currently he is in one of his manic phases. His > > condition places acute strain on the family. It is all quite terrifying > at > > times. In all this, I continue to try and observe the energy space, in > him, > > in me, and in whatever is happening in the family -- in each individual > and > > as a organism as a whole. > > > > I feel my only job here is to love. To love each and every person as best > > as I can. I feel, that to love a person is to see that person, and to see > > is to see beauty. All else is blindness. Of course in all this, the first > > thing is to love myself and to see beauty in myself. > > > > Whenever I am unable to see beauty in a person, to me that is an > indication > > that I am not seeing correctly, and so I try as best as I can to further > > see my thoughts and emotions, trying to understand that person better, > > until I can see that same behavior of the person from another perspective > > which makes me feel I have a better understanding of where he/she is > coming > > from. > > > > In the present configuration, I feel this is the only option available to > > me, the only job I can perform and doing so maybe is also in some subtle > > manner playing a positive role in the scheme of things. However, yes, it > > does get harrowing. It is not just my brother's behavior, but also what > > quirks each and every family member brings to the whole thing, my own > > quirks and vulnerabilities etc. etc. etc. > > > > Is there anyone else here whose family member has some mental illness, or > > who himself / herself is dealing with the challenge of having some mental > > illness? Would you like to share how you deal with it and what you have > > learnt so far from being in that experience? > > > > > > > > -- > > > > Vani Murarka > > > > * vani expressions - blog writings <http://manaskriti.com/vani- > > expressions/> > > * काव्यालय (Kaavyaalaya: House of Hindi Poetry) <http://kaavyaalaya.org> > > * गीत गतिरूप - कवि का अनोखा साथी <http://manaskriti.com/geet-gatiroop> > > >
