In my earlier rant-post, excerpted below, which built on the themes of Krishna's initiating rant-post, I wrote about things that I changed my mind about in 2019 that were essentially pretty pessimistic.

So I'm just adding this footnote about one thing that I changed my mind about in 2019 that is somewhat more optimistic, or at least hopeful/forward looking.


I'm a USian, and as such, at age 67, now receive a monthly Social Security stipend that is just about equal to my monthly mortgage payment. My wife retired a few years ago and she receives a monthly pension that pretty much covers our other bills. Our savings got wiped out 2008-2012, but I have since received a modest inheritance from my parents' estate (Mom & Dad have both checked out in the last 6 years). We have lots of financial concerns & obligations, but, in a welcome change, we are not now living in sheer terror of financial disaster. We're OK.

Over the last several years — since spring 2013 — I've made my living cobbling together occasional freelance technical writing jobs & doing medium-skill, modest(low)-paying, physically-demanding work in the construction industry. Mostly demolishing (parts or all of) old houses & building (parts or all of) new ones. Also I've made a few thousand bucks from my novels.


I have come to believe that the only occupation that makes sense for me — financially, emotionally, spiritually, whateverally— is being a self-publishing novelist/essayist/youtuber/podcaster/"personality."

Before 2019 I believed that my work as a novelist ( & etc) was a side bet, as it were; something worth pursuing on the off-chance that I might make some money at it, and also because it offered some opportunity for personal fulfillment.

I now believe that my former approach was, essentially chickenshit. Or if not chickenshit, then wrong, in any event. Maybe my earlier approach (scrambling for freelance technical writing works and supplementing that with lots of interesting but low-paying, dangerous, exhausting physical labor) was wise before my wife & I had income from her pension & my Social Security. But now those things are a stupid way for me to try to make money. At best, it averages out to little more than minimum-wage pay. The physical labor is dangerous in one way, and the technical writing work (sitting in a chair all day doing stuff I hate) is dangerous in other ways. And there is no possibility of any big payout, ever.

So I'm done with all that. I'm never going to do freelance technical writing, or construction labor (for anybody other than myself) ever again.

By putting all my efforts into my career as a novelist (etc) I'm pretty sure I can match the income of my working-class hero days. I hope to do considerably better, who knows? And not only do I feel much more satisfied (& much less stressed), doing this the "upside" potential is vastly greater. Sure, I might be dreaming. But I don't care. As the saying goes, If not now, when?

So after this long rambling email the point is: I've changed my mind about how to best spend the next dozen or so years of my life. This change in direction has made me a much happier man. And I think (I hope) it's been better for my wife as well, as I was depressed before but am not now.


On 2020-01-11 19:00, wrote:
My experience this year was similar to Krishna's (see post below).

With the following corollaries:

A) I changed my mind about the Republican Party in the USA; in
[. . .]

B) I've changed my mind about religion in general. I now think it's
all mostly bullshit, and more harmful than helpful. I think its time
has finally passed and that humans need to leave religion behind.

On 2020-01-09 05:29, Krishna Udayasankar wrote:
So this may seem obvious to many, but it was a fairly big deal for me
- to realise (actually, accept) that there are individuals who cannot
be moved by reason and logic - be it on political odayissues or personal
issues. I suppose I'd always viewed their imperviousness as having
some limit, some breaking point, but I was forced to accept that I
might be chasing the infinite here (Was it Einstein who said...?)

[. . .]
-End of rant-
Krishna Udayasankar, PhD.

Reply via email to