>I >recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass >doors >as if you were about to take a shower
yes, been there, done that, BIG mistake, BUT thanks to this list I have learned that CS is good for healing scars. PG >On Fri, 28 Jul 2000 18:22:25 -0400, [email protected] wrote: > >>Ha! >>I think I'd rather deal with the allergy than bathe a cat weekly. >>Cat bathing has been listed as a marial art! >> Chuck >I knew I could find it.... >Here 'tis: > >Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves >clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that >works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt where it hides and >whisking >it away. >I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, >I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that >lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug >by the fireplace. > >The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look >squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: >"This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez." > >When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you >might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the >bathtub: > >-- Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of >concern >for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that >advantage >by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he >can force you to chase him. > >Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I >recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass >doors >as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A >berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a >politician can shift positions.) > >-- Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from >your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to >protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top >construction >boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a >long-sleeved flak jacket. > >-- Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when >you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make >sure the >bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can >be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water. > >-- Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply >carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange >attire. >They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your >garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment >for J.C. Penney.) > >-- Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a >single >liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the >glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You >have >begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. > >Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the >problem is >radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or >three >seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him >another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall >back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for >cats >is three latherings, so don't expect too much.) > >-- Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part >will >be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the >cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple >compared to >what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is >semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with >you foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will >end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best >thing >you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After >all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach >down >and dry the cat. > >In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will >usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time >sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and >develop the >fixed stare of a plaster figurine. > >You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a >rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure >you for >life the next time you decide to give him a bath. > >But at least now he smells a lot better. > > > >-- >The silver-list is a moderated forum for discussion of colloidal silver. > >To join or quit silver-list or silver-digest send an e-mail message to: >[email protected] -or- [email protected] >with the word subscribe or unsubscribe in the SUBJECT line. > >To post, address your message to: [email protected] >Silver-list archive: http://escribe.com/health/thesilverlist/index.html >List maintainer: Mike Devour <[email protected]>
