October 16, 2003
The Top 12 Indications Your
Family Camping Trip Isn't Going Well
12> Not content with stealing all your food, the bears are now
insisting you pay a two-trout-a-day "protection fee."
11> As you're setting up your campsite, the bears are busy
drawing chalk outlines of your family.
10> First you forget to bring toilet paper, and now you're
starting to think that improvising with those handy red
leaves may have been a rash decision.
9> After finally getting the kids off to sleep, your husband
realizes he left his "tent-pitching" pills at home.
8> Wife: insists on hanging all the food from a tree.
You: the food.
7> The creepy guy from the cabin up the way just asked you to
read his manifesto.
6> Daddy picked you up for the trip at 3 a.m., told you not to
tell your mother about it, and appears to be headed for a
campsite in Mexico.
5> All nine of you, including your 50-ish housekeeper, are
stripped bare, and *still* your makeshift clothes-lasso
isn't long enough to knock that crazy prospector's key
from the jail house peg.
4> Last time you started the campfire, three states asked for
federal disaster aid.
3> The presence of the bear combined with the absence of Mommy.
2> Your Dad's latest entry on his PDA reads, "All work and no
play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes
Jack a dull boy. All work and no play...."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Indication Your
Family Camping Trip Isn't Going Well...
1> While assembling your stove, you lost the kids -- in the
propane explosion.
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