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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Sunday, November 2, 2003
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled
through snow.
Jeff Valdez |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Benjamin Franklin said: "If you would like to know the
value of money, go and try to borrow some." You're not sure this is an
accurate indicator of the value of things, however. At least not after
having tried to borrow a toothbrush...
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Someone will attempt to get you to stay in one place
today, by telling you that you are surrounded by 100 black poisonous
snakes (which are invisible). You will make a daring escape, despite
the risk involved.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
In a surprising twist, the failure of another large
London-based bank will be blamed on you, today. C'est la vie, non?
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Someone will ask you how you are, today, for the millionth
time, and you know they actually couldn't care less. I've found that
the best reply in this case is usually "Did you know that there's a
spider on your neck?"
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will come up with a theory about people - that you can
learn a lot about them, simply by removing the first letter of their
name. For example, Ron -> On. That's why I'm on-line. That also
explains why Hugh acts so primitive, sometimes. And if I were you, I'd
avoid Alice.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
It's time to start setting higher goals. Don't get stuff
to make a salad and then let it rot in the fridge. Get stuff to make
several salads, and start your own compost pile!
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You may lose sight of what is truly important to you, if
you're not careful. In other words, it not whether you win or lose,
it's whether you end up with your leg in a cast for 3 months.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Chaos will ensue, when you are accidentally hit by a
motorist, just as a bus full of lawyers specializing in insurance
claims is passing by on the way to a conference. The bus will
literally erupt into a heaving mass of clawing, screaming, and
briefcase-bashing lunatics. Eventually they'll take out a class-action
lawsuit against you.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will be harassed by cats today. Hungry, irritable
cats.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A project you started a while ago takes on nightmarish
proportions, today, as you realize that you've been suckered into a
hideous task. Fortunately, you will be able to get out of it by
feigning death.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Would you just Stop? Nobody else feels the need to
dance around like that...
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Why did life develop in this fragile boundary between
earth and sky? Because life exists at the edge of chaos. You'll find
that is particularly true, this week.
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