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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Friday, November 7, 2003
I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has
increased, but my energy has dropped. |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to crouch behind furniture, and peer over
the top. If you can do that while wearing one of those Groucho Marx
noses, so much the better.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your ACME Rocket Sled arrives today!
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You have exactly as much chance of having a decent day as
you have of developing amazing telekinetic abilities that let you
secretly give innocent passers-by a wedgie. Stay home. Breathe
normally.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
If you keep going the way you are, you'll soon be fit as a
fiddle! (And as you know, a fiddle is very buff, for a stringed
instrument.)
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will be overcome with a sudden strong urge to
learn to play a wooden flute while cavorting around in the forest. I
recommend you treat those separately at first. You'll find what you
need under "Music, Instruction" and under "Cavorting, Instruction."
Don't get talked into buying any cavorting supplies, though -- they're
really only needed by professionals.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day, today. Unless today is your 15th birthday,
of course, in which case you're destined to have a particularly
embarassing episode involving a cat and an argyle sock.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Time to develop new friendships, and possibly to get a new
hair style. Personally, I'm working on the "wacky inventor" hair
style, in which I wash my hair at night and go to bed with it still
damp. It's not a look for everyone, however.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Everyone around you will act silly, today -- whapping each
other with floral matter, calling each other "Doctor", and doing Bantu
war dances in the hallway. The most likely explanation is that there's
a nitrous oxide leak somewhere.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will become stuck in a wicker chair. This is
what the British refer to as a "sticky wicker", as it is an
unfortunately common occurrence in their climate.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will spend another day surrounded by idiots, or
perhaps by well meaning but simple folks, who will drone on and on
until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a
deranged rodent.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
A moth the size of a Boeing 747 will erupt from a nearby
hillside today, and go off to help a huge semi-aquatic rubbery
dinosaur fight off an alien attack. So what are you doing to
help?
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people
to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your
request, such as "Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming."
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