I have finally figured out how fast-food restaurants
decide who gets
to work which jobs. And it's all so simple: They just *ask*
the new
employees a few basic questions! It probably goes something
like
this:
Manager: Hello, and welcome to BurgerWorld. We're sure
that you are
going to absolutely *love* working here over the next three
weeks.
And to ensure that we match each of you to the ideal
crew-member
position in the store, we'd like you each to answer a few
simple
questions. First you, Steve. Suppose a customer's order is
$4.37.
The customer hands you $5.12. What do you do?
Steve: Well, the *first* thing I'd do is give him back
the extra
dime. Then I'd calculate his change, which should be ... uh
...
forty seven cents?
Manager: Good job! We'll put you on the cash register.
Okay, you're
next, Marcy. Things have been a little slow today, and the bin
is
nearly empty. Suddenly, a school bus pulls up outside, and sixty
high
school seniors pile out of it. What do you do?
Marcy: Oh, gee, um, I don't know. Fix my
hair?
Manager: Oooh, good answer! We'll put you in charge of
french fries.
... Okay, and the last question is for you, Semrpthr#ckidsh.
Am I
pronouncing that correctly?
Semrpthr#ckidsh: AHHH-LO?
Manager: I said, "Am I pronouncing that
correctly?"
Semrpthr#ckidsh: AHHH-LO?
Manager: Could You Please Tell Me How To Pro-Nounce Your
Name?
Semrpthr#ckidsh: AHHH-LO?
Manager: Hmmm. <thinking> CAN YOU SAY, "WELCOME TO
BURGERWORLD"?
Semrpthr#ckidsh: AHHH-LO?
Manager: Here, put on this headset. You're working the
drive-thru.
I swear, that has GOT to be the system they use. If
there are a
dozen crew members working in the store, the one working the
drive
thru will be the only one who has been in the country for less
than
thirty minutes.
There has to be a good explanation. Personally, I think
it might
very well be that the American kids aren't smart enough to push
the
button and talk at the same time. I'm serious about that. I've
run
across only ONE American kid working a drive-thru window recently
--
and her transmissions went something like this:
"-m to BurgerWorld."
"-ake your order?"
"-ies with that?"
"and thirty seven cents."
Me: Excuse me? I didn't catch the dollar
amount.
"and thirty seven cents."
Me: Could you please try pressing the button BEFORE you
start
speaking?
"-irty seven cents."
Me: Thank you.
"-ooh the first window."
Me: Roger that.
Perhaps the obvious solution is for me to stop
frequenting such
classy establishments. After all, we've already
established that I'm
not very adept at this whole drive-thru thing.
The problem is, most of
the time, my only alternative is to try to cook for
myself.
Let's just say that there's a *reason* I have the phone
number to
Domino's Pizza written on the side of my measuring
cup.
- Vince Sabio
