Title: The Daily Humorscope
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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Wednesday, January 14, 2004
The early worm gets eaten by the bird. |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will vow to always tell the truth, but it will
backfire on you. Most people find that kind of behavior highly
suspicious, and more than a little deviant.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will have more psychotronic energy today than usual. I
recommend that you direct it towards the fridge. There's something
alive in there.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
It would be best, if you abandoned the Fez. You aren't
that type of person, and it's no use pretending.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Beware of Chihuahuas today. Actually, any day is a good
day to beware of Chihuahuas. They're not intrinsically evil like
minivans, but they're definitely a step in the wrong direction.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Good day to act sneaky. Try glancing sidelong at people,
or standing just out of sight.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you should sit down (someplace comfy), and ask
yourself if you even care. You shouldn't. It's not your fault, you've
been trying as hard as you can, so you shouldn't care. Not if they're
going to act like that.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Excellent day to go half-barefoot. (One shoe only.) Answer
no questions about it, though. Just say "I prefer not to talk about
it."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
In this world you have a choice between being clever, and
being pleasant. I recommend pleasant.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right
between "catches horrible disfiguring disease" and "loses everything
in major earthquake." I guess you can pick whichever one you want, in
this case.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good day to review what you know about hamsters. I think
that's all I should really say, except possibly that it's often
considered impolite to see how much food you can pack into your
cheeks, when dining out.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
If you've been wanting to become a religious leader, today
is the day to get cracking on it. Otherwise, probably an uneventful
day.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Uh oh. The cows have come home, and the fat lady is about
to sing. Better come up with some new excuses, quick! You can do that
while you're coping with the unpleasant result of the cows coming
home. |
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