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The Power Tool Drag Races
June 12th and 13th
10am - 10pm
$10 Sat. $15 Sun
----> Event Description <-----------------------------------------------
Everyone said it was OVER. You were SURE it couldn�t possibly ever happen AGAIN. And it is already WAY past when the date should�ve been announced and changed 3 times already. But JESUS GOD, here it is AND about to happen . . . again . . . really . . .
For the third year in a row, the forces of The Shipyard, QBox and ACE Junkyard proudly present, under the auspices and close supervision of our timeless sponsors, BEER and PUSSY, a spectacle guaranteed to remove clothing and scare small children for three counties in all directions, it�s . . .
THE POWER TOOL DRAG RACES-- SATURDAY and SUNDAY, JUNE 12th and 13th
Blown Big-Block Belt Sanders . . . Nitro Burning Funny-Saws . . . Wheel Standin' Weed Wackers. . . it's
Racing . . . Racing . . . Racing . . . Saturday. . . (AND). . .Sunday . . . Sunday . . . Sunday. . .
at the . . . Junkyard . . . Junkyard . . . Junkyard . . .
Saturday and Sunday, June 12th and 13th, Chopped Chainsaws and Non- Normally Aspirated Angle Grinders will go head-to-head down 75 feet of two-lane blacktop at The Shipyard International Speedway (aka Ace Junkyard). From Super Stock off-the-shelf machines, to full-tilt multi- motor Top Fuel moooooonnnstrosities, it will be capacitor blowing, carbide tooth shrapnel mayhem brought to you by, well, *you*- the finest redneck fabricators (a.k.a. machine "artists") in the Bay Area. Participants and spectators alike will thrill to the speed and smells as Black and Decker, Porter Cable, DeWALT and Milwaukee battle it out for supremacy, dubious claims to glory, lots of cold hard cash, and yet another turn-the-key-and-drive-it-away EDSEL for the fastest run of the day (also known heretofore as "The Edsel Cup").
So join Dr. Hal Robbins, Chicken John and John Hell as they engage us for an afternoon of semi-benign alcohol fueled abuse with all the local aristocracy including: Flash-O-Matic on the V-8 Blender, the triumphant return of the Sean Kelly's Trashy Trailer Massage and Wellness Center, Justin Incredible's Miracle Wax(ing) Booth, and a special Synchronized Welding and Pole Dance Intermission Extravaganza by the Happyland Drill Team Cheerleaders! Music, hot dogs, cotton candy, posters, T-shirts, promo booths, special games for the kids, Seth Maxwell Malice, and much much more yet to be figured out will make it a day of family fun not to be missed . . .
If confused, see what happened last year at: http://laughingsquid.org/pix/2003_05/power_tool_drag_races/
WHAT'S NEW THIS YEAR:
This year we have TWO new racing classes and ONE fabulous TV contract with the Discovery Channel and Natural History New Zealand so come out for a day (actually two days) at the races and be the media WHORE that Deep Down you KNOW you are!
All fun aside, kids, this year we've hit the Big Time (or something appearing to approximate it). The above will be filming the event this year to create 4 one-hour pilot programs to be aired on the Discovery Channel next fall/winter as part of Discovery's ever expanding offerings in the "idiot American fabricators build stupid things" subgenre of the reality TV genre. The production company behind this is a nice group of folk from New Zealand and not a sleezy LA porn outfit, as one would likely expect for the event in question. We appear to have a reasonable contract and nice collaborative relationship with them that will retain our full control of the event (so all of us do not end up embarrassed for the rest of our lives) and allow us to continue doing whatever we want at the event (but with no guarantees about what will have to get edited out for family TV). For more details on how all this will work, we think, see www.qbox.org.
The Production Company is already here in the Bay Area and about to start shooting all of you that are interested while you build your crazed engineering monstrosities and tell lies about your lives. They want about 10 people/teams to follow in great detail as they build their machines over the next two months. Those interested in being on the list of potential featured contestants should tell Charlie and Jim, or better yet, Simone ([EMAIL PROTECTED]) very very soon.
RACING CLASSES: (for full rules, see: http://www.qbox.org/ptrules.shtml)
As usual, there will be classes for both machines that run "riderless"
in wood tracks, and customs which their maker(s) "ride" down open
asphalt lanes. This year we have added two new classes ("Unusual
Designs" and "Sex Toys") and consolidated the Ridden Classes into a
single class as no one seems to want to build double person ridden
machines. This year we promise to have not one, but two "designated
organizers" who stay cognizant enough to keep track of all this (Smone
and Lera) and hold chaos at bay until all races are fairly and squarely
run. And we have expanded the event to two days so we are sure to
actually finally really make it through the double elimination rounds
(for the first time) as well as give the film crew one day where they
can be more invasive to get the shots they need (Saturday), whereas
Sunday will be the regular plate of mayhem and the film crew will have
to fend for themselves.Non-Ridden-
*Super Stock*: Off-the-shelf power hand tools run "as-is" using stock parts and attachments. Extra wheels are allowed for stability and control, but NO custom frames, chains, gears, or wheel drives. Drive must be direct from tool to ground. Motors can be electric AC or DC, cord or battery, fuel or pneumatic. The "No-mods" notion will be strictly enforced for this class, so as to make it easy for everyone who wants to race to have a competitive machine.
*Modifieds*: Unridden machines of open design. Custom frames, drives, motors, and wheels of all types expected. Machines can have multiple motors and power types -electric, pneumatic, gas, hydraulic, steam or cold fusion- but all motors/power sources must have begun their lives as hand power tool(s). No vehicles built from RC cars allowed, cause they are boring.
*Unusual Designs / Top Fuel*: This class is for those more liberal interpretations of "power tools" which have caused so much mumbling and grumbling in years past (particularly directed at jim and kimric). So if this year you feel compelled to make a rocket engine out of a propane soldering rig, or mount a double barrel shotgun on roller skates pointed backward down the track and fire it into a trash can full of pig fat, we now have a class for you. Designs in this class are expected to be very fast and very dangerous. All entries MUST announce themselves by May 15th and be inspected and run one week before the races to make sure they will stay in the track and out of the audience. We also reserve the right to say "no, unsafe" at any time for whatever reason(s) we find relevant.
Ridden-
*Funny Cars*: Open design machines with one or multiple motors and provisions for one or multiple riders. Frames, wheels, gears, and seats allowable as you like. Not recommended as a substitute for couples therapy.
Ridden/Unridden-
*Sex Toys*: We would hope this class is self-explanatory, but for those who find it ambiguous, suffice it to say that anything that can reasonably be claimed as a HAND HELD sex toy, can be run (stock or modified), ridden or unridden, in the wood track or down the asphalt lanes. Use your imagination. Potentially an adequate substitute for couples therapy.
As usual, we provide the race track, flag "girl", Seiko timing system, annoying PA system and annoying announcers, the heaviest of heavy metal, and the Happyland Drill Team Cheerleaders to steel you against your very reasonable fears of mortality. You provide the nerdy tech and steely nerves to make the machines work and stay on them for 75' asphalt pulverizing feet. Get your machines ready, cause it's less than 2 months until the staging lights flash and the flag drops.
Again, the full rules are at http://www.qbox.org/ptrules.shtml and we might even enforce them this year, so read �em, ok?
THE PURSE(S)
Each class will pay back 100% of entry fees for that class, plus some extra money we'll throw in, so we can pay down to third place in each class this year. It will take around 15 entries per class on average to create a $500 purse for 1st place.
Special Mystery Prizes, awarded by special mystery judges for:
Most impressive engineering Most pathetic engineering Most dangerous machine Most spectacular crash Machine most likely to get its maker laid And . . . Machine most likely to get the most air time on TV
And of course, the rotating "Edsel Cup" for the fastest top speed run of the day. Current track record is held by none other than Jim Mason, artist, with his CO2 fire extinguisher rocket car, which last year crossed the finish line at 64MPH, covering the 75 foot track in 1.7 seconds. Go faster and drive the Edsel home yourself.
ENTRY FEE(S):
The entry fees are as follows until May 15th. After May 15th, the entry fees will go up, just like Burning Man. To reduce chaos, and embarrassing disorganization, we will NOT be accepting entries the day of the races. Entry fee for racing is paid via Paypal only at www.paypal.com to account [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Super Stock: $30 Sex Toys: $30 Modified: $35 Funny Car: $40 Unusual Designs / Top Fuel: $45
We have set the entry fee above $0 so we can have real purses for the winners. What is a drag race without a good purse anyway?
Each racing team will get 2 free entries to the event for both days. Additional tickets will be available at the regular door price of $10 for Saturday, $15 for Sunday. Regular gate entries for spectating can be purchased at the gate the day of the races.
For more information, see www.qbox.org. All inquiries, questions and complaints should be directed to Simone at [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Brought to you by the fine folks at The Shipyard and Qbox
www.theshipyard.org www.qbox.org
----> Venue Info <------------------------------------------------------
The Junkyard MacKinnon behind Burger King San Francisco
----> Additional Info <-------------------------------------------------
[EMAIL PROTECTED] www.qbox.org
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