sorry about the chevrons...
>>>> > Drink Alcohol.
>>>> > If I could offer you only one tip for the future, alcohol would be
it.
>>>> >
>>>> > The long-term benefits of alcohol have been consistently
misunderstood
>>>> by
>>>> > scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
>>>> than
>>>> > my own drunken experience.
>>>> >
>>>> > I will dispense this advice now.
>>>> > Enjoy the power and beauty of your alcohol tolerance.
>>>> > Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your
>>>> > alcohol tolerance until it's faded.
>>>> > But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself
>puking
>>>> > in
>>>> > a gutter and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much alcohol
you
>>>> > drank
>>>> > and how fabulous it really was.
>>>> >
>>>> > You are not as sick as you imagine.
>>>> > Don't worry about where the next beer is coming from.
>>>> > Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to pull a
>>>> page
>>>> > three model after 15 pints of Stella.
>>>> > The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never
crossed
>>>> > your drink-addled mind, like the unexpected lack of ale in the
fridge
>on
>>>> > some idle Tuesday.
>>>> >
>>>> > Drink one thing every day that scares you.
>>>> > Sing badly.
>>>> > Be reckless when buying other people drinks.
>>>> > Don't put up with people who are reckless when buying yours.
>>>> > Gargle.
>>>> > Don't waste your time on shandy.
>>>> > Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
>>>> > The race is long and, in the end, it's only to the bar.
>>>> > Make up compliments you received. Return the insults.
>>>> > If you don't succeed in doing this drink more beer now.
>>>> > Keep your old ring pulls. Throw away your old cans.
>>>> >
>>>> > Retch.
>>>> > Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you might dry-out in your
>life.
>>>> > The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 when they would
>>>> > sober up.
>>>> > Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still haven't.
>>>> > Get plenty of kebabs. Don't be too kind to your liver. You'll hardly
>>>> miss
>>>> > it when it's gone.
>>>> > Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't.
>>>> > Maybe you'll get some bird up the duff, maybe you won't.
>>>> > Maybe you'll enter rehab at 40, maybe you'll dance the nude conga at
>>>> your
>>>> > 75th University Reunion.
>>>> > Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate
others.
>>>> >
>>>> > Your choices are half alcohol influenced. So are everybody else's.
>>>> > Enjoy someone else's body.
>>>> > Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what the lads
>>>> might
>>>> > think of it.
>>>> > It's probably the only time you'll ever pull.
>>>> > Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but on the street with a
can
>of
>>>> > Special Brew.
>>>> > Ignore the directions, don't ever follow them.
>>>> > Do not read beauty magazines, just cut out the pictures and put them
>on
>>>> > your wall.
>>>> >
>>>> > Get to know your parents. You never know when you'll have to tap
them
>>>> for
>>>> > some cash.
>>>> > Be nice to your barman. They're your best link to the bar and the
>person
>>>> > most likely to stop you getting your head kicked by a bouncer when
>>>> > paralytic in the future.
>>>> >
>>>> > Understand that favourite drinks come and go, but with a precious
>>>> > flammable
>>>> > few you should hold on.
>>>> > Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength and consistency, because
the
>>>> > older
>>>> > you get, the harder it will be to neck ales like when you were
young.
>>>> > Live in London once, but leave before it makes you a ponce.
>>>> > Live in Liverpool once, but leave before everything you own gets
>stolen.
>>>> >
>>>> > Dribble.
>>>> > Accept certain inalienable truths:
>>>> > Beer prices will rise. Bouncers will throw you out. You, too, will
>>>> > get a hangover.
>>>> > And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young, prices
>>>> > were reasonable, bouncers couldn't catch you, and hangovers were
NEVER
>>>> as
>>>> > bad as this.
>>>> >
>>>> > Respect alcoholics.
>>>> > Don't expect anyone else to buy you a beer.
>>>> > Maybe you'll have a huge overdraft. Maybe you'll have a wealthy
bird.
>>>> > But you never know when either one might stop getting you pissed.
>>>> > Be careful whose cheap booze you buy, but be patient with those who
>>>> supply
>>>> > it.
>>>> > Cheap booze is a form of rip-off. Dispensing it is a way of fishing
>old
>>>> > stock from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the sell-by
date
>>>> > and re-selling it for more than it's worth.
>>>> >
>>>> > But trust me on the alcohol.
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