> > >WORKSHOP TOOLS > > >DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat >metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and >flings your tea across the room, splattering it against that freshly >painted motorcycle part you were drying. > > Also useful for spraying cutting oil all over the clothes you forget to change...
> >WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under >the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and >hard-earned work calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." > > Makes nice little flakes to fly into your latest batch... > >ELECTRIC HAND DRILL : Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes >until you die of old age. > > Also speeds up when you lest expect it - flinging Methoxide suffused oil where it shouldn't go.. > >PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. > > Also pinch fingers > >HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board >principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, >and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your >future becomes. > > > Also shatters just as the hardware store closes >VICE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, >they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your >hand. > > Also good to braze to your generator trolley > >OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable >objects in your workshop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside >the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > > See above > >WHITWORTH SOCKETS : Once used for working on older British cars and >motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 socket >you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > > See old spanner, or for those of us in the Colonies, Lucas, the Prince of Darkness > >HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have >installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under >the bumper. > > Also good for making big humps in the floor of your car. Drink the pints after... > >EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4 : Used for levering a car upward off a >hydraulic jack handle. > > >TWEEZERS : A tool for removing wood splinters. > > >PHONE : Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic >floor jack. > > >" SNAP-ON" GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for >spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-shit off your boot. > > >E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR : A tool ten times harder than any known >drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway. > > See drill press > >TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the tensile strength on >everything you forgot to disconnect. > > Also good for bending that big steel beam in your roof. > >CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER : A large pry-bar that inexplicably has >an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. > > >AVIATION METAL SNIPS : See hacksaw. > > Loose bolt at the locus > >TROUBLE LIGHT : The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a >drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which >is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's >main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that >105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of >the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat >misleading. > > Always needs a new bulb. > >PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the lids of old-style >paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, >as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > > >AIR COMPRESSOR : A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning >power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that >travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts >last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at ERCO, and neatly rounds off >their heads. > > >PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket >you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. > > or the skin off your knuckles > >HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to cut hoses too short. > > >HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is >used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far >from the object we are trying to hit. > > >MECHANIC'S KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard >cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents >such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector >magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. > > >EXPLETIVE : A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow >eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in >foresight. Use liberally with all of the above. > > > > >_______________________________________________ >Biofuel mailing list >Biofuel@sustainablelists.org >http://sustainablelists.org/mailman/listinfo/biofuel_sustainablelists.org > >Biofuel at Journey to Forever: >http://journeytoforever.org/biofuel.html > >Search the combined Biofuel and Biofuels-biz list archives (50,000 messages): >http://www.mail-archive.com/biofuel@sustainablelists.org/ > > _______________________________________________ Biofuel mailing list Biofuel@sustainablelists.org http://sustainablelists.org/mailman/listinfo/biofuel_sustainablelists.org Biofuel at Journey to Forever: http://journeytoforever.org/biofuel.html Search the combined Biofuel and Biofuels-biz list archives (50,000 messages): http://www.mail-archive.com/biofuel@sustainablelists.org/
