Although a fabrication, I found that to give me a few chuckles this morning. Nice. Steve
-----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Samuel Proulx Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2006 8:08 AM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List pulled from gwb's trash Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha okay I'm done This message has three lines, and was quite pointless. TJ Olsen wrote: > President Bush will meet this week with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri > al-Maliki to discuss the violence that is spiraling out of control in > Iraq. Mr. Bush > sent a letter to al-Maliki inviting him to discuss the crisis. Most > don’t know that such a letter goes through a proofreader before it is > released. The > proofreader checks for grammatical, factual and logical errors and > returns it to the President. Normally, that document is never seen > again, but we managed > to get our hands on the first draft of the letter written by President > Bush to Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. > > > Dear Prime Mister (Minister) al-Maliki, > > First let me congratulate you on your extreme makeover. I noticed you > trimmed your moustache, lost some weight and shaved your hairline back > a bit. Even > those judges you’re always yelling at will have to admit you look > handsome. (I’m not gay by the way.) > > (Prime Minister al-Maliki has not undergone an “extreme makeover.” You > are confusing him with Saddam Hussein, whom you removed from power. As > a side note > here, no one would purposely shave his hairline back. Also, I don’t > think you will have to worry that the Prime Minister will think you’re > coming on to > him simply because you’re complimenting his appearance.) > > A little bird told me your country is heading towards a civil war. > That’s cool. We had one of those too. It’s pretty crazy. If you’re > standing north of > someone and they’re standing south of you, you have to fight. It’s > pretty confusing, but cool. > > (First, a President should never say that “a little birdie” told him > about something crucial to world security. Second, a civil war is much > more organized > than your understanding. If what you’re describing were true, everyone > would be fighting.) > > There are several things you can do if you want to stop people from > punching, kicking, slapping, pinching, blowing up, bow and arrowing > (this is no longer > a common practice) and shooting each other (just say “if you want to > stop the violence”). First, have you checked your laws? Murder and > attacking people > without a license may be illegal in which case a lot of people could > be in a lot of trouble. > > (Murder is illegal in every country and I am certain that the Prime > Minister knows that breaking the law leads to punishment. You’re > telling him something > that even first graders understand.) > > Also, have you tried shocking and awing them? Here’s what you do. > First you surprise them—the shock—then you disappoint them—the aw. We > shocked and awed > this one country, it was awesome. First we bombed the crap out of some > city and people were all like “Whoa man!” (the shock) and then they > were like “Aw > man, they messed up all of our buildings!”(the aw). We never had > problems with that country since. > > (First, it’s “awe” not “aw.” Besides, saying the Iraqi people were > disappointed with the destruction of their cities would be seen as an > insensitive understatement. > Second, the country we launched a shock and awe campaign against was > Iraq! Reminding the Prime Minister of this will likely infuriate him, > since this is > the reason his country is in turmoil in the first place.) > > Hey, remember when we found you in that spider hole? (He’s not > Saddam!) Were the spiders friendly to you or were they jerks? I woke > up once and there was > a spider in my bed and he was a super big jerk. No matter how many > times I yelled at him to get out of my bed he wouldn’t. When I finally > decided to use > deadly force he made a sneaky getaway. Apparently this spider had tied > a thin piece of string to my ceiling fan and when I looked up he had > already climbed > up and was sitting on one of the blades. > > (This paragraph must be deleted from this letter. However, this is a > good time to point out some misconceptions you have about spiders. > First, they don’t > have the capacity to be “jerks.” They’re just spiders. Second, spiders > don’t tie strings around ceiling fans; you witnessed it making a web. > I’m going > to send the head of the Department of Wildlife to your office tomorrow > to explain further.) > > Anyway, I want to know if you want to get coffee or something to talk > about how bad your country is. If it would make you feel more > comfortable, we could > double up. I could bring the king of Canada and you could bring one of > the presidents of one of the bad guy countries. (I’m not gay by the way.) > > (He’s not going to think you’re gay! However, this is not a date and > you don’t need to “double up.” Also, Canada does not have a king and > telling him to > bring someone from one of the “bad guy” nations implies that he is a > bad guy.) > > I know we should meet some place neutral. I’m thinking the ocean or > space. Either one. Let me know. > > (While meeting someplace neutral is a good thought, you can’t go to > outer space and the ocean is not a good place to hold an important > meeting.) > > I’ve got to let you go, I have another letter, > > (You don’t need to make up fake excuses to end a letter.) > > > (On a positive note, I’m very pleased that you finally seemed to have > grasped the concept that Prime Minister al-Maliki’s first name is not > Al or Albert > as you kept referring to him in meetings. However, this letter needs > much work. I’ll revise it and get it back to you as soon as possible.) > > > > Thomas (TJ) Olsen > Seton Hall University, (09) > SGA Senate (senator: Arts and Sciences, (Student Life Committee) > > > Peer advisor > Freshman studies > > > up till dawn entertainment chair > > > > wsou news > tuesday mornings 6-9 am > > > > http://www.liberatedairwaves.net > rebellions the knife's edge cut your own path > Liberated airwaves > > > http://tjolsen.net > my home on the web > > tjolsen.net > > > aim: failurebydsign87 > MSN: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Skype:lightningcount > > > > ************** > CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE > This electronic mail transmission (including any attachments) is for > the use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential > information which > is protected under federal and/or state laws. Any unauthorized > dissemination, copying or distribution of the information contained > herein is prohibited. > If you have received this transmission in error, please contact me > immediately and delete the original copy. > > -- Samuel Proulx mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] sip:[EMAIL PROTECTED] cell phone: 1-416-520-4383 laptop phone: 1-425-606-3231 http://fastfinge.livejournal.com Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else. Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again. -- No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.4/563 - Release Date: 12/2/2006 -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.15.4/563 - Release Date: 12/2/2006 Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
