Mikel:

I’m disappointed to see you characterize Frederik’s characterization of 
behavior as “garbage;” to do so is a red herring (intentional distraction).  
While I don’t want to put words in Frederik's mouth (indeed, I said I fully 
understand why he used such colorful language — to vividly identify what he 
sees as actual or perceived disingenuous or deceitful behavior), Frederik did 
so to identify hypocrisy and aggressive abuse.  This is because identifying and 
calling out abuse is the first step is tamping it down when it (or even its 
potential) is seen in any group — whether a family or a foundation.

A sad but true fact about people who abuse is they frequently “project,” 
blame-shifting and deflecting  their own atrocious behavior (abuse of women, 
abuse of power, aggressive power plays…) onto the very person who is victimized 
or who calls out and identifies this behavior.  This (bullying) can be a 
devastatingly effective tactic that actually re-victimizes the target of the 
abuse, making him or her appear to be the crazy (weak, abusive…) one in these 
actively aggressive acts.  It also intimidates “good (people) who say nothing 
and do nothing about those who perpetrate bad or evil acts” (I paraphrase) into 
CONTINUING to do nothing.  This allows the perpetrator to continue to get away 
with the abuse, effectively silencing many who would defend not only the single 
victim (target, survivor…) but those in the greater group (family, 
congregation, company, foundation, organization, country). 

The entire point of using such strong and colorful language is not to “make a 
point with garbage, further promulgating garbage.”  It is to highlight abuse as 
abuse — raw, difficult and uncomfortable as those facts are.  Pointing out that 
somebody else engages in atrocious behavior (and using strong language to do 
so) does not make the one pointing that finger a “slinger of garbage.”  This is 
an old (yet sadly, quite effective) trick from the playbook of nasty, 
aggressive people, especially as they put on a public face of charming “nice 
guy.”  This often results in one who identifies dangerous perpetrators of 
aggression, simply in their quest to call it out, becoming suspect themselves:  
“look at the histrionic, crazy drama-queen behavior by this unfortunate, 
name-caller” (but he won’t say “victim,” as that would identify the 
psychosocial dynamics of what is truly going on).  This ruse has existed 
forever in the history of people who exercise power with terrible acts of 
aggression while remaining covert as they do so, pointing to others as “garbage 
slinging, accusatory, overly dramatic / histrionic, name-calling, unstable 
people.”  It’s a sad, old trick, and the only way to stop it is to identify it 
and have it recognized by “good people who do (or say) SOMEthing” about it, 
rather than perpetrating the evil themselves with their silence.

In many years of often close and intimate interaction / collaboration with 
Frederik in OSM, I have never, not one single time, even had a HINT that he 
“evokes violence against women.”  That is a highly inflammatory statement, 
especially as you offer no evidence of it in what appears to be blame-shifting, 
when all Frederik did (it appears to me) was to make an analogy of one leader’s 
atrocious behavior having the potential for similar bad havior to infect our 
Board.  We should call that out as we see it, and that is what is going on 
here, nothing more.  Blame-shifting in the face of identifying bad behavior is 
something I (and others who have experienced this first-hand for what it is) 
find this behavior of yours highly suspect.

I apologize to the list for going into the deeper and darker aspects of human 
behavior here.  Sometimes, it is required to do so.

SteveA

On Dec 3, 2020, at 3:32 AM, Mikel Maron <mikel.ma...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Thanks Mateusz, I agree. Points can easily be made without such garbage. 
> Unfortunately Frederik has a habit of using rhetoric that evokes violence 
> against women. I’m not saying that he or anyone here personally holds biased 
> views about women. But the effect is the same, it degrades our entire 
> community. And we wonder why there are no women running for the board. 
> 
> Mikel


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