Hi Nancy, We have been in Buenos Aires (where it is not acceptable for women to request a dance) since late May, and we have just returned from spending 10 days in Uruguay, where we did a bit of dancing in Montevideo, The tango scene there is definitely more relaxed, with none of the pomp and ceremony of BsAs milongas. In Montevido, invitation to dance is effected by cabaceo or verbally, both from men and from women. The invitations (the verbal ones) were not pushy or demanding, and both acceptance or rejection was delivered in a friendly manner (think of a party where someone holding a tray of finger food comes over and offers some to you - either smile and say ´yes , thanks´ or smile and say ´no, thank you´ - neither person was left feeling pressured or regected, either way). My partner found it quite refreshing, actually.
now we are back in Bs As for another 3 months of pomp and ceremony :) Back in our home city in Australia, where some women do ask for dances, my parnter does occasionally get frustrated with women either demanding dances, or making comments like ´you haven´t danced with me the past ... milongas´(like being given a friendly reminder from the phone company that you bill is overdue), or giving him the puppy dog eyes, begging look. He has a hard time rejecting these demands (he is simply a big pot of honey). Sometimes he would come home from a milonga feeling that he´d come back from a hard day´s work, rather than back from a pleasant night of dancing. I often tell him that he needs to toughen up, and If anyone should demand dances from him, it should be me, right? I do realise that, in a community where everyone knows everyone else, it is harder to avoid offending someone by saying ´no´. Maybe saying ´later´ might be a better option for him and other men faced with a similar situation. In Australia, there has been many a time when having caught each other´s eye, the man is about to get up from his seat, when, out of nowhere, another woman grabs him and pulls him onto the dance floor. Aaaarrrggghh! When in Australia what I occasionally do is , while chatting to a friend, just when I am about to move on (end the conversation) I´ll say something along the lines of ´I´d love to have a dance later on´, smile and then walk away/back to my seat/get myself a drink etc. This way, the man (regardless of friendship) doesn´t feel pressured to dance with me on the spot - or at all, for that matter. It´s not a demand. It´s not begging. What it does do, however, is to give him the opportunity to ask me if or when he is ready/the music is right etc. Moreover, it is a way of letting him know that i do like dancing with him (something we all like to be reminded of, every now and then, regardless of gender). -- Yours in dance dementia, Niki www.tangotrails.blogspot.com _______________________________________________ Tango-L mailing list [email protected] http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l
