Trini, I think that the most efficient way to help people/students deal with dance, rejection, fear of failure/performance, etc. is to hand them a book "The Four Agreements" the moment they enter a beginner tango class for the first time. Give them four days to read it and then give them a short quiz. If they pass, let them into the class. One of the agreements is "Take nothing personally".
Haven't tried that yet, but it might work. :) Nina Quoting "Trini y Sean (PATangoS)" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>: > > --- On Mon, 9/29/08, Nina Pesochinsky <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > >> The important thing to remember is that we do not always know >> what might trigger the other person. > > You're right, Nina, and although I appreciate your sensitivity > toward others, I do not espouse taking responsibility for another's > emotional response. In fact, what we might think of as possibly > triggering pain for someone else, might do the exact opposite. > There've been quite a few times, when I've had to be very direct > with people, knew I had caused them pain, but also was thanked by > them later for doing what I did. > > For some of my students, there's a process I think of as "cutting > the apron strings" or "pushing them out of the nest". I'm sure > others have to do this, too. It's a phase for beginners who begin > to demonstrate overdependence on their teachers or have difficulty > separating professional responsibilities from personal friendships. > Basically, it's having to turn them down if they ask me to dance at > a milonga or to help them work on something at a practice (and > there are others that they can work with instead). I know why > they're asking - because it's easier for them to work/dance with me > that with other people. But I also know that that is not always > good for their tango development for me to always say "yes". And > certainly not good for me to feel smothered. > > What I've learned to do to make rejection easier is to simply avoid > prolonged eye contact. So I'll look at someone initially and even > engage in conversation, but my eyes will be directed mainly at the > dance floor. Basically, I'll look as if I am pre-occupied studying > others (which is usually true, anyway). So when a rejection comes, > it doesn't come off as being against them but more about my having > other things on my mind. > > The other side to this is to also let people know that they are > going to make mistakes, that Rome wasn't built in a day, and that > there's nothing wrong with being inexperienced. And if they don't > build up their expectations unrealistically, then rejection isn't as > painful as it would otherwise be. > > Trini de Pittsburgh > > > > > > > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > Tango-L mailing list > [email protected] > http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l > ---------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.earthnet.net Boulder's Premier Datacenter Network, email, and web servers powered by renewable wind energy. _______________________________________________ Tango-L mailing list [email protected] http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l
