Burn! On Wed, Jun 10, 2009 at 11:23 AM, <[email protected]> wrote: >>> Now if only we could get you as fired up about coming down in the cave with >>> us.... :) << > > What she said. > > Bill > > > ---- Mallory Mayeux <[email protected]> wrote: >> Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! >> >> David, I just skimmed your review, but you have to label it "SPOILER ALERT" >> before you write a review that gives away the plot!!! Texas cavers need to >> experience this firsthand! >> I was introduced to this piece of cinematic trash by Ronnie Harrison, a >> TX/KY caver in the Houston Grotto. He came over and we watched this movie @ >> my place, just so he could watch the expression on my face during the last >> 15 minutes. This movie is SICK. A very disturbed individual wrote this >> script. It's vile. >> >> That being said, I'm definitely going to buy a copy. I want to watch the >> last 15 minutes on repeat a few times, just to be sure that I saw what I >> think I saw. Also, I'd like to share this movie with friends & fellow >> cavers, preferably drunk ones. (you need to be, to watch this in it's >> entirety.) I want them to marvel, as I did, about who in the heck thought it >> a valuable use of their time to produce this crap. >> >> David, I also love how you took time out of your busy schedule, not just to >> watch this thing, but to write a detailed review of it and post it on >> cavetex, and find links and web reviews for this trainwreck. >> >> That's dedication. Now if only we could get you as fired up about coming >> down in the cave with us.... :) >> >> Mallory >> >> >> >> On Wed, Jun 10, 2009 at 11:04 AM, David <[email protected]> wrote: >> >> > You all remember the movies, "The Cave" and "The Descent," >> > but do you remember the one called, "The Cavern" ? >> > >> > Why did Hollywood make 3 very crappy movies about >> > caving within a year of each other. ( If they had >> > combined their financial resources and made one movie, >> > it would have probably been watchable. ) >> > >> > http://cover6.cduniverse.com/MuzeVideoArt/Large/68/305968.jpg >> > >> > http://www.imdb.com/media/rm745905408/tt0451262 >> > >> > I found the DVD of "The Cavern" at Half-Price Books. I don't >> > remember ever hearing about this movie, but it must have been >> > that it was rumored to be so bad, that I did not go see it. >> > >> > The directors of this movie seemed to try harder to make it >> > more about caving than the other two. However, the audience >> > was never given an opportunity to connect with the cavers. The >> > cavers seem like a crew assembled for a Survivor TV show. I >> > didn't believe any caver on the group deserved to be on this >> > so-called important expedition, especially the trip leader. >> > >> > The cave was supposedly in a remote area of Kazakhkstan, however, >> > there was no beautiful cinematography to make the audience appreciate >> > the landscape. The cave entrance and passage were not impressive at >> > all. >> > >> > The directors tried to make the audience feel sorry for the team as they >> > had lost a colleague on a previous trip to Peru. She had washed away >> > in a sump and was never seen again. I did not like the way they >> > played this part into the story. >> > >> > There was one sex scene in the cave entrance, but it was meant to lead >> > to the horror plot and not to be erotic. This scene could have >> > been done completely >> > different like a love scene in "Love in the Time of Cholera," and it >> > could have played out >> > very well. Instead the horror part was cheezy and stupid. The >> > directors lost >> > an opportunity for the audience to bond with these 2 cavers. >> > >> > The cavers tried to appear well organized. But any caver watching >> > it would see >> > a bunch of newbie thrillseekers. They immediately find a hole in >> > the floor of the >> > cave passage that is a pit leading to a lower level. They never >> > see on the cave >> > floor any sign of the cave being used by animals or some creature, >> > like footprints, >> > or bones. They all bop the pit in a matter of seconds, but it is >> > only about 30 meters >> > deep. I think the directors really lost credibility by this time >> > of the movie. I don't >> > know what kind of rappelling device the trip leader used. It was >> > larger than a Petzl Stop and was at the >> > face level of him. He squeezed it to make it descend like a Petzl. >> > ( Some Hollywood gadget ? ) >> > Everybody else appeared to use a rock-climbers tiny Figure-8. ( I >> > think most caver's would agree that this >> > type of Figure-8 is not proper vertical equipment for caving. ) >> > >> > Most of them were using cheap internal frame backpacks on their backs >> > to haul their >> > gear, and most of these packs appeared to be half-empty. >> > >> > They all had 2 lights on their helmet. But in an effort to look >> > cool, they used both >> > lights at the same time, even while their batteries were nearly >> > depleted and they were >> > hopelessly trapped in a cave with a beast. >> > >> > Immediately their cable-operated telephones did not work. >> > Immediately one of their >> > buddies was not in the room at the bottom of the pit. He seemed to >> > vanish from thin >> > air. They followed a large blood trail to him. His intestines >> > were hanging out >> > and he was gasping for air. The surface crewman was dissected by the >> > creature and thrown with the rope into the pit. >> > >> > The rest of the movie was like the Blair Witch Project. They >> > eventually shot the >> > creature which they thought appeared to be a half-bear/half wolf, but >> > we didn't see >> > the creature then. It survived several gun shots in the cave only >> > to kill the shooter. >> > ( How many cave trips carry a semi-automatic pistol into the cave ? ) >> > They said >> > in Kazakhstan, it was necessary, so I will buy that. >> > >> > So we are down to 3 cavers trapped in what appears to be a small cave with >> > only >> > a few passages barely big enough to stoop walk. ( But how does the >> > creature >> > get down there if there is no passage, and how does such a large creature >> > move >> > so quietly in the cave and in the dark ). >> > >> > Then 2 girls are left alone to fend for themselves with almost no >> > light. They >> > find a crawlway leading to sunlight. The audience thinks these 2 girls >> > are >> > going to live. >> > >> > This is when the movie goes from bad to just plain ignorant, and trashy. >> > >> > The girls get caught, but for some reason unknown to the audience, they >> > faint >> > and wake up in a room with a campfire and a door sealed by a large rock. >> > They are naked, but covered in a bear rug. They have no physical signs >> > of being kidnapped by a beast. >> > >> > There is meat roasting on a skewer above the fire, and the girls suddenly >> > for no reason become savagely hungry and start eating the meat like they >> > have not eaten in weeks. They soon realize it was their trip leader >> > friend, >> > and begin to vomit in a way that most of the audience wants to vomit. >> > >> > They explore the room, and realize that some human occupies it and that >> > he was a child survivor of some sort of Russian plane crash back in the >> > 80's. >> > >> > The creature returns. He appears to be some sort of cave-man wearing >> > a cave-bear skull for a mask. He grunts and takes of his mask. He >> > studies the girls. He decides to spear one of them to a bloody death. >> > And then he apparently begins to rape the other one, as the movie >> > ends in her bloody covered face screaming. >> > >> > http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2690292992/tt0451262 >> > >> > The worst movie ending I have ever seen. >> > >> > Nothing about the creature was believable. >> > >> > The movie audience will not learn anything positive about caving. >> > They will feel cavers are stupid for entering caves. They will >> > feel cavers are boring people with no lives. >> > >> > Maybe the morale to the story was to tell someone where you >> > are going caving and to have a surface support group on your >> > expedition. But they still would have all been eaten by the >> > caveman. >> > >> > Here is a web-review that seems to agree with me that the movie >> > sucked. >> > >> > http://www.horror.com/php/article-1309-1.html >> > >> > David Locklear >> > caver in Fort Bend County >> > >> > Ref: >> > >> > Here is a photo of the trip leader, shortly before he was roasted >> > on the skewer. >> > >> > http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2742394112/tt0451262 >> > >> > http://www.netflix.com/Movie/The_Cavern/70051025 >> > >> > >> > https://www.hotmoviesale.com/store/productView.aspx?idProduct=22874&ec=1&ProdId=29 >> > >> > --------------------------------------------------------------------- >> > Visit our website: http://texascavers.com >> > To unsubscribe, e-mail: [email protected] >> > For additional commands, e-mail: [email protected] >> > >> > > > > --------------------------------------------------------------------- > Visit our website: http://texascavers.com > To unsubscribe, e-mail: [email protected] > For additional commands, e-mail: [email protected] > >
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