Mr Sekar floated an opinion. Taking care of parents. His perception is ,
why should the elders expect that their children should take care of them
at all? Expectations ,in itself, are THE WHOLE CRIME, because the children
are not living like the olden days in an income of Joint family and they
have so many problems as a nuclear family. Added further that, wealthy
parents alone are taken care of because of the inheritance awaited. The
reason for the disrespect, inability to take care of the parents arise ,
only on the norms they watched as kids, when how the parents were
taken care of. However he was so confused at the end, he cannot but also
contradict the children who are also really taking care. The short note
expanded, because of the intelligent remarks of the group, the
self-presumption added to his remarks. He also said that it will
attract the remarks of some, as it did , some time back, when he wrote,
similarly.
This in turn floated within me an opinion (after all he said every
one can have opinion so that the better can be sifted) why in life all
these things had been done at all? Every animal, whether an ant or an
Elephant, begets the posterity and protects the young ones, till the
strength to hunt for food, by themselves, set in. Even later, when parted
by distance as an adult, brought into a circus of domestications, would
like to go back to its origin, and the mother feels so gratuitous on seeing
the adult child. But all those species are lacking in the sixth sense.
Human species X chromo wishes to get married, and beget children
legally, where the barter is , exchange of sex. Male species who never
thought of this world as one with morality and discipline, changed
overnight to a new leaf, when his seed was delivered as a baby. Emotions
are common to lower and higher strata , wealthy or not. Mother later
protects the offspring whether 1 or 100 year old ,only as a kid in the
perception. A daughter- in -law knows it; a son in law knows it; a son and
the daughter also know it. When all these things were going on , all of
them in that group were not equally wealthy. There were no bindings in
between them for any kind of development; but the ass-hole,
parent,especially the mother, spent all the last penny plus borrowed funds,
to create a new star in the space around them. Now the wealth got shifted
or wealth got reduced. Wealth became the property of the adult,
irrespective of the parent who may or may not be wealthy atall; but the
health and energy had the syncing trends. However their body still required
, not any, sex, but a little food to maintain; few good clothes and
spending time wisely and wholly, to pass of the balance days ; fresh air
and fall back; ofcourse, male one will try to go to office and work hard,
but the working so harder, appeared to the children of that office holders,
so sloppy, they do not wish to have them; and travelling is tough; Female
species, can do home-chore, so well, only problem is burning the body and
placing the work models down on the floor, as their grips had become so
shabby; both the specie, still idiotically feeling that the adult strong
lion and the lioness must live happily ever after. The falling spiral
creatures' actions induce the adult. to think, why even at old age , these
rats work and cook without resting?.; ofcourse, expectations are too much
whosoever, they might be. The adults can multitask; run about; do so many
things; and are able to take care of them; but the old rats?. The old rats
were once , multi-taskers; then the adults today, were unable to grow by
themselves; eat cooking their own food; cannot even know how to wear
dresses; did not have the money to school; had the inability to read and
tuition would enable them fit but never had the resources; somewhere income
tax payers too, but the knowledge of income earning and spending were not
with them but only with the FUTURE-RATS; the future rats, kept their older
rats with them and few times, could not attend to them properly, because of
the present day adult. required more and better attentions; the older rats
also agreed on those occasions; in some other places, because the
present-adults, needed, mothers' help, studying far away, divided the
attentions, between their older-rats and the present-adults, telling
within themselves , that young plantain needs more water.
Yes, the way in which the future rats took care of them was seen by
the present adults; the way in which the future -rats took care of the
older rats!!!. Hence the present-adults took revenge on the older rats
today; fine story sir. And another screeches, especially among the
brahmins; why Brahmins and the rest?; vedic philosophy apply to all is it
not? Or because it is under Iyer 123?. There the FUTURE -RATS started
thinking, as the PRESENT-ADULTS HAD THEIR OPINIONS. Had the future rats
placed the born-ones , in the middle of the streets, and looked after their
lives alone, similar situation, as they are in today, only would have
followed; but they would had, many dreams, to conjecture how were they
happily living once, and would eventually met their fate. Their opinion
would have set the standards for all. But foolishly 3 decades they wasted
to have their own lile. when they cannot even support their own legs; fools
living in paradise; opinions if enough, why Vedas and Brahmins?. K Rajaram
IRS 1523
On Mon, 1 May 2023 at 07:31, 'N Sekar' via iyer123 <[email protected]>
wrote:
> Thanks Sri G K.
>
> I have written previously on this subject which invited some critical
> comments. Nevertheless, let me reiterate some points. *I know people may
> and will differ, but this is my opinion and it need not be the right one,
> as opinions will differ. We learn from differing views and enrich our
> knowledge in the process.*
>
> I am just giving a gist of my views without elaborating too much in the
> hope it will be understood in the spirit in which it is written and will
> not be mistaken for arrogance.
>
> 1. We must first acknowledge the fact that our children owe us nothing; we
> should not raise our children expecting them to take care of us but if they
> do on their own (from the way we have brought them up / out of love and
> affection / gratitude, or they have seen us serving our parents), it is a
> welcome bonus.
>
> 2. In the olden days there was the joint family system where most of the
> family members were involved in the same business / profession - be it
> agriculture, trading, family practices like medicine and others, where the
> income as a whole was shared among the family members' needs - family
> running costs were incurred by the Head of the family, festivals were
> celebrated jointly, weddings were conducted as a joint family affair etc.
> - *from the resources of the family as a whole*. Old age was not an
> issue, at least as far as money was concerned, as there was something to
> eat and survive.
>
> 3. With the nuclear families, each is on his or her own. The thought of
> what I earn is mine and mine alone has crept in, thanks in no small measure
> to the Western influence. Moral lessons we studied at schools are no longer
> there.
>
> 4. You can't completely disregard if the children feel that they need to
> look after their families first - husband and wife and their children.
> Especially if their parents' families had too many daughters and a few sons
> (*I am referring to the olden days where the daughters were not
> encouraged to work and earn - not the present days*).
>
> There is saying in Tamizh sir, "Pasam flows downwards" meaning love and
> affection flow downwards - from the parents to their children and so on and
> so forth. It doesn't flow that easily upstream (parents) or sideways
> (siblings). The sooner we realize this the better.
>
> 5. From the children's point of view this is a highly competitive world
> where they need to live their lives as per their status (right or wrong is
> another question), pay their mortgage, give good education to their
> children so they are ready to face the competition when they grow up,
> provide for their own old age etc. If they don't, we need to advise them
> of that necessity of providing for their old age.
>
> 6. We should have ensured that we have saved enough, at least to meet our
> necessities, instead of splashing everything on our children but many of us
> haven't. Mothers are particularly guilty in this respect.
>
> There is another Tamizh saying Sir
>
> "Aaril pottalum alandu podu" - meaning please make a measure (note) of
> everything you do, even if it is charity.
>
> But I understand the previous generations never thought along these lines
> as there was no necessity. But the present day and age is different and we
> must be practical. It helps, if we depend on our children, we keep our
> needs to the minimum. In a scenario where we depend on our children it is
> best if we stop bad mouthing about them ( I have seen it in many circles)
> as this doesn't help in any way. *It is best to talk things over
> internally, within the family, than showing to the world how much we did
> for our children and how they have turned selfish*.
>
> One last point - what may seem lavish to us may be "just the thing to do"
> for them - branded shirts, shoes etc for example. We may hesitate to spend
> Rs 2,000 or so on an IPL ticket but that is par for course for them.
> Remember the saying "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder'?
>
> We need to adapt to changing times or will be left behind. Time and Tide
> wait for none".
>
> This is not to say what is right or wrong but what is the stark reality we
> have to face, whether we like it or not.
>
> I am saying all these in a general sense; there may be cases where even
> the well to do children ignore their parents but that is still the
> exception than the rule.
>
> There are good children who take care of their parents, at least
> financially. Not everyone is bad. Problem is only bad news gets the
> headlines, while the good is ignored.
>
>
> N Sekar
>
>
> On Monday, May 1, 2023 at 05:17:44 PM GMT+4, 'gopala krishnan' via iyer123
> <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>
> Dear Mr Sekar,
>
> Very correct at least with respect to Brahmin community. But even among
> brahmins, there are children complaining of their income, amount that can
> be spared to parents, but spent lavishly of to his family. Looking after
> partially?
> Gopalakrishnan
>
> On Monday, 1 May, 2023 at 01:21:41 pm IST, 'N Sekar' via iyer123 <
> [email protected]> wrote:
>
>
> There are two main reasons why children look after their parents in their
> old age
>
> 1. The money, wealth of the parents they hope to inherit
>
> *But the second and More Important reason*
>
> 2. The way the children were brought up - the children seeing how their
> parents looked after their parents (grand parents) etc.
>
> Children learn better from the examples set by their parents and not from
> what they (parents) say.
>
> N Sekar
>
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