Good one. *EXTRACTED FROM A BUSINESS MANGEMENT ARTICLE:* *An excuse is a reason that is given to justify an offence or fault but its primary purpose is to lessen responsibility by getting you to overlook, excuse, or even forgive off the back of it.* This of course is rather tricky because when there’s excuses it means that any *commitment* is being lessened, which means everything else tied to it becomes pretty flimsy. You may also be overlooking things that are busting up your boundaries.
People often get ‘reasons’ and ‘excuses’ mixed up because there *appears* to be some crossover. Excuses allow people to remain in their uncomfortable comfort zone, dodge conflict by avoiding honesty both with others and themselves, dodge accountability, and cast themselves in a better light. Saying *“The dog ate my homework”* gives the impression that you’ve been a victim of misfortune and avoids conflict whereas saying *“I couldn’t be arsed to do my homework”* or *“I forgot”* makes you look lazy and lacking in conscientiousness. Likewise saying *“I’ve been really busy”* gives the impression that you’re *so* busy (ya know busier than a world leader) that you haven’t had the time to contact or see them whereas saying *“I’m not interested / am half-hearted / have been trying to get back with my ex”* will not only have you in the position of saying something that most people squirm at and possibly inviting ‘conflict’, but if you’re the type of person that likes to hedge your bets, you may want to keep them as a rainy day option. If anything you’re hoping they’ll take the hint and do your job for you and at the worst of things, you may be hoping the excuse allows you to avail of their ‘usefulness’. Excuses are inherently negative whereas things happen every day that are positive that have *reasons* behind them – that’s what a reason is; a cause or an explanation and yes sometimes a justification for something happening. A reason doesn’t lessen responsibility or even act as an automatic precursor to being excused or forgiven and what I’ve found differentiates a genuine reason from an excuse is that when someone provides a reason for why something has or hasn’t happened, a *solution* is in the offing. *Often it’s literally “I cannot be arsed to put some real effort into a real reason.”* And when you make excuses for yourself “I’m not really looking to find a solution or take any action that would involve making a decision and leaving my comfort zone.” *Behind every excuse is the real reason.* Sometimes it simply boils down to *“I don’t want to try”* and what’s really important is that you don’t clog up your life with excuses whether it’s yours or theirs because you’ll become a person of inaction that doesn’t make decisions. <https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/can-you-make-stick-to-a-decision-if-you-cant-you-have-commitment-issues/> Excuses, especially when we buy into them make things appear more complicated than they are. The next time you’re presented with an excuse, it’s time to ask “So what does this mean?” or “So what happens next?” I remember when Dot Dot Dot Man told me how busy he was for the umpteenth time and how he’s not ready for a relationship and I told him that he clearly doesn’t have time for a relationship and *this meant that our ‘relationship’ was over.* *That’s what it meant and that’s what happens next when someone keeps excusing themselves for not having the time, energy, decency or even ability to evolve into a copilot in your relationship <https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/relationships-in-a-nutshell-co-pilots-drivers-passengers-and-the-importance-of-a-joint-agenda/>.* Trust me when I say that when someone is looking to maintain the status quo and keep palming you off with excuses, no solutions are on the horizon, after all, if they’re the one making the excuses, they have to be a part of the solution, which means they have to be responsible in the relationship, which means that excuses become redundant. KR: Excuses are hindrances to progressive paths; reasons are for further analysis and change of plans; solutions, even that may fail, advances the path of progress; instead of giving up, better find out, what is on the other end of the tunnel. “ Oozhiyum utpakkam kanbar; than nenjarivadhu poyyarkka; Deivathaar agadeninum, Muyartchi mei varuthak kooli tharum are all positive kriya sakthis advised in B G by Krishna, by Tiruvalluvar.’” *अधिष्ठानं* *तथा* *कर्ता* *करणं* *च* *पृथग्विधम्* *|* *विविधाश्च* *पृथक्चेष्टा* *दैवं* *चैवात्र* *पञ्चमम्* *|| **14**||chap 18* *vividhāśh cha pṛithak cheṣhṭā daivaṁ chaivātra pañchamam* *adhiṣhṭhānam* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/adhishthanam>—the body; *tathā* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/tatha>—also; *kartā* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/karta>—the doer (soul); *karaṇam* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/karanam>—senses; *cha* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/cha>—and; *pṛithak-vidham* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/prithak-vidham>—various kinds; *vividhāḥ* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/vividhah>—many; *cha* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/cha>—and; *pṛithak* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/prithak>—distinct; *cheṣhṭāḥ* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/cheshtah>—efforts; *daivam* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/daivam>—Divine Providence; *cha eva atra* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/cha%20eva%20atra>—these certainly are (causes); *pañchamam* <https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/w/panchamam>—the fifth *adhishthanam tatha karta karanam cha prithag-vidham vividhash cha prithak cheshta daivam chaivatra panchamam* *BG 18.14*: The body, the doer (soul), the various senses, the many kinds of efforts, and Divine Providence—these are the five factors of action. KR IRS 14 5 23 On Sat, 13 May 2023 at 16:28, Jambunathan Iyer <[email protected]> wrote: > When you feel an excuse coming on, crush it under the weight of your > desire to move forward. > > > N Jambunathan Rengarajapuram-Kodambakkam-Chennai-Mob:9176159004 > > *" What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you > become by achieving your goals. If you want to live a happy life, tie it to > a goal, not to people or things "* > > -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Thatha_Patty" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. To view this discussion on the web visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/thatha_patty/CAL5XZoqtYKVMJegckXMTv_St%2BU5hU%2BFu1k4y7FTt-vh0Kr%3D07A%40mail.gmail.com.
