It is September. In eight days I will celebrate the first anniversary
of what
everyone calls "a divine miracle": my survival of a massive cerebral
hemorrahage as an
unscathed "5 per center." So, as the 15th approaches, as the self-examining
period of
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur draws near, I've been thinking and feeling more
intensely
than usual about my life in the classroom, my life as a whole, and life in
general. This
morning, during my power walk at dawn, I looked up at the clear, still
star-studded, sky.
Tears formed in my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. I felt so reborn. I felt
so clear
about my purpose in life. I felt so completely alive. I felt so completely
free. I so
felt this overwhelming sense of happiness, and realization of how much of a
blessing it is
to have just this single moment of life. I stopped to take a deep breath. I
came oh so
close to dropping down on the sidewalk for a convulsive cry of joy. Really!
You see, walking through the valley of the shadow of death has
enlightened my
lifeand changed my attitude toward life and death. I feel as if I had taken
my first
step on this magnificent inner journey when I had my personal epiphany in 1991
that has
been spreading through all facets of my life like a protective vaccine; then,
there was
surviving my cancer four years ago. But coming through my near-fatal cerebral
hemorrahage
dwarfed their impact. Nevertheless, they each are like sheets of sandpapers of
my life.
Their grits are still shaping my spirit and soul. They are still smoothing and
polishing
my awareness, otherness, empathy, sensitivity, appreciation, humility, and
hopefully my
wisdom. Each day I awaken with the realization that what I choose to do with
this one day
is up to me. So, each day I consciously make a resolution to consciously greet
this one
and only day I have with a resolving yes; that I will not live in the shadow
of
pessimism, cynicism, anxiety, and fear; that I wont let the gift of this one
more day
pass unwrapped as a blur and merely mark it off as an "ah me" passing of "just
another."
Instead, I will live, love, laugh, have fun, and enjoy to the fullest
throughout this one
more day given to me--as it if were my last and as it almost was on that
fateful September
15thwith no guarantee of tomorrow. Now, if that be "touchy-feely," so be it.
It beats
being down and jaded and numb.
How does this affect my teaching? My gratitude is a continuous state
of heart and
mind. Wherever I go and whatever I do, there it is. A great worship is going
on all the
time, so nothing should be neglected or excluded from my constant meditative
awareness.
Each day I awaken knowing, especially from student entries in their journals,
that the
most effective teaching tool I have at my fingertips is me, for as I can see
the holiness
in each student, I know I will concentrate on finding and helping each of them
to find
what is good in her or him, and I will experience a life that is filled with
fulfillment
and gratitude. And, when you have a strong sense of who you are and a clear
vision of
where you want to go and what you want to do and whom you want to serve with
your
teaching, you then have the foundation for reaching out to each student, the
strength to
overcome all obstacles, and the courage to go after your dreams for a better,
more
meaningful, and more purposeful life.
So, I always dance onto campus firmly knowing that this day is mine to
experience;
this day is mine not to let my heart get distanced from any student; this day
is mine to
live; this day is mine to express what it means to be alive; this day is mine
to smile and
laugh; this day is mine to remember that my authenticity is stronger than any
obstacle;
this day is mine to act to make a positive, meaningful difference; this day is
filled with
untold possibilities; this day I have the power to transform any ordinary
moment into
something extraordinary; this day is mine to make the impossible possible; this
day is
mine not to take, but to give and share; this day is mine to live with all the
purpose and
richness I can imagine; this day is mine to help a student help herself or
himself become
a little more who she or he is capable of becoming; this day is mine to fill
with
optimism, cheerfulness, kindness, empathy, belief, support, encouragement,
hope, and love;
this day is mine to live true to my highest purpose; this day is mine to know
fulfillment
and satisfaction.
Sound Pollyannaish? Maybe. Then again, maybe you have to stare the
Grim Reaper
in its faceless face to understand that the attitude and feeling I have are not
head-in-the-clouds. They are soul nurturing, feet-on-the-ground. You see,
being up is
a greater high than being down, that optimism is deeper than pessimism, and
that cheerful
confidence more profound than fear. My natural exuberance gives me an upbeat
view of the
classroom. I believe optimism grounded on faith in students and love of each
of them is
far superior to "realistic" pessimism or resignation. I choose to be grateful
for what
life has given me, not bitter or anxious about what it hasn't. There are
limits to human
control. Maybe that's why I found facing death a year ago to be
life-enriching. A day
doesn't go by that I don't think of that fateful day. The mere thought of
nearly dying
has brightened my life. It somehow made and still makes the light of life
dispel the
shadows of death. It makes every minute of every hour of every day a blessing,
every
happiness more luminous, every gratefulness more intense; it develops a hunger
that is a
form of infectious meaning, purpose, and joy.
Make it a good day.
--Louis--
Louis Schmier
http://therandomthoughts.edublogs.org/
Department of
History http://www.newforums.com/Auth_L_Schmier.asp
Valdosta State University www. halcyon.com/arborhts/louis.html
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\
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