> As long as I'm this far out on a limb, I might as well admit that I
> believe
> that the typical member of the religious right has consciously decided
> that lying in service of his/her religious beliefs is a good thing. I can
> believe that quite a few people are honestly as ignorant as one would have
> to be to believe those arguments. But I believe that the majority, and
> perhaps the vast majority are somewhere between dimly aware and well aware
> that most of what they say is untrue.
>
> Paul Smith
> Alverno College
> Milwaukee
I've been quiet, but please let me throw my hat into the ring (and then you
may choose to throw it back out)
I'm continually amazed at comments such as Paul's. Paul is typical of
some people on this list -- he is very intelligent and open-minded (more than
me), but it seems that when it comes to the religious right (who exactly are
these people anyway? they sure don't go to my church), its time to slam
those religious people. At least it seems that way.
I believe that some people on this list have used the spanking argument as
another opportunity to target religious people. I'm very uncomfortable with
statements like "A non-church going agnostic who believes it is never OK to
hit a child." Well, I am a church going Christian who believes it may be
occasionally necessary to spank my child. I DO NOT want to spank my
children, and hope that if and when I do, it will be a rarity (e.g., child runs
out in the street repeatedly and all other methods of punishment have failed).
So, because I choose to spank my child -- does that make me a violent
person? And a liar, because I choose to believe that it is in the best
interests of my children to be spanked should there ever be such a need to
do so? Further, because I believe that my religion views spanking as
permissible -- does that make a nut?
I'll admit there are people out there in the religious community who quote
"spare the rod and spoil the child" as an excuse to beat the snot out of their
kids. How they can defend their actions is beyond me. The bible is
supposed to be used to teach children to be good (not just obedient), and
therefore making a kid behave in a manner that lacks love and understanding
is biblically incorrect. Maybe those are some of the people Paul and others
are talking about.
I once had a client who told me that if she so much as made a peep in
church, her daddy took her out back and beat her. He was determined that
when other people saw his children, that they were shining examples of good
behavior. Oh, yeah, that's real biblical -- on the outside they behave and on
the inside they are sad, afraid and neurotic as all get out. This is exactly the
wrong kind of behavior.
In my experience (yes, just experience, but it does count) most people in the
church community are trying to raise their children to be good, NOT just
obedient, and do not like the idea of physical punishment. I know families in
the church who have never spanked their children -- they do not have to.
They use other methods of discipline consistently and lovingly and they
work. But I've also seen, and here is where perhaps temperament comes in,
kids who simply will not behave and after the parent has exhausted other
methods of discipline, they feel they have no other choice. They spank not
because of a desire to control the child but a real fear that the child will not
become a moral person. And they pray to God that they never have to do it
more than once.
I believe that too often spanking is done out of anger, it is done incorrectly (if
there is such a thing), without any followup explanation of the wrong behavior
and a discussion of the correct behavior. Too often I see people physically
punishing their children out of anger and an unwillingness to try less invasive
methods, and big surprise, the kid.
I realize some believe it is never ok to spank, but I believe (and I wish I had
data to support my assertion) that spanking can be done in a way that does
not emotionally or physically injure the child. But it seems that so many
conditions have to be met I see the occasions to spank as VERY RARE.
-Spanking some children is not necessary to get them to behave
-Spanking should never be done in front of other people
-Spanking should never be done to simply control the child
-Spanking should never be done when the parent is angry
-Spanking should be done to get attention, not to cause pain
-Spanking should be preceded and followed by an explanation of why the
child is being spanked (with the parent emphasizing that the child is still very
much loved but the behavior is what is the issue)
-Spanking should be accompanied by modeling of the desired behavior
-Spanking should be done with the hand, not with an object
-Spanking certain body parts is inappropriate (head, face)
-Spanking at certain ages is inappropriate (esp once a child reaches a
certain age)
-Spanking should be the last thing you use to correct behavior, the last thing
you want to do to correct behavior
Thank you and good night.
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Jim Guinee, Ph.D. Director of Training, Counseling Center
Adjunct Professor, Dept. of Psychology/Counseling
Dept. of Health Sciences
President-Elect, Arkansas College Counselor Association
University of Central Arkansas
313 Bernard Hall Conway, AR 72035 USA
(501) 450-3138 (office) (501) 450-3248 (fax)
"God looks at the clean hands, not the full ones."
-Publilius Syrus
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