I had just finished having a deep conversation with a colleague of
mine, Danielle. On the way home, as I was thinking what we talked about, I
bumped--almost literally--into a non-traditional student who was in my last
class. We stopped to chat.
"How's retirement going? You weren't too happy on that last day."
"Fine," I quickly and jovially answered. With a deliberate pause, I
then said with an enticing seriousness, "Now."
"I was wondering. Now that you're out of the classroom, what do you
think is the most important thing you can do now that you're retired?" she
asked.
"Up falling!" I shot back slyly as verbal chumming bait.
She looked at me with the puzzled look that I expected, "What's that?"
Hooked her. "It's a performing jazz term. It means before you go on
stage you get the adrenalin flowing, get into the groove."
"By keeping busy?"
"By being the right kind of busy."
"What's that?"
"'Fun busy' and 'meaningful busy." But, first by 'busy listening!'"
"Listening? To who?"
"To life!"
"To life?"
Recalling my earlier conversation a few minutes ago with Danielle, I
admitted to her that when I reluctantly decided to retire, to retire against my
wishes, it was an emotional challenge that kicked me out of place where I loved
to be and kept me from doing what I loved. I was angry, sad, and certainly not
glad. I thought I'd lose community, a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and
an important line of demarcation between work-at-loving to do days and
weekends; I thought I'd lose a feeling of personal identity that would be
difficult to replace late in life. I thought I'd be lost; I thought I would
lose that 'itch;' I thought it was over. I had weakened my 'how of happiness.'
I wasn't feeling good; I wasn't all that calm; I was languishing; I lived less
my 'word for the day;' I changed the scope of my mind; I reshaped my life and
the world around me. All that bled into my feelings, thoughts, and actions.
Blissful I wasn't! A bear I was. I didn't listen to Susie. I didn't listen to
my dear friends. I didn't listen to some insightful students. I didn't listen
to myself. And, I didn't listen to life itself. You might say that I was
allowing myself to get swamped by rampant dysfunction.
Then, it happened, I told her as I had just told Danielle. A moment of
"divine timing." On a pre-dawn walk on chilly December 1st, Saturday morning,
the first morning of my retirement after the Friday that was my last class of
my last semester of my last year in the classroom. I was feeling as black as
the darkness around me when I heard a piercing, chastising voice. It was
life. "Your recent choices of how you see me stinks! Have you forgotten what
I've been teaching you? Where's the resiliency, purpose, adventure, courage,
and flourishing I helped you acquire? For the last 22 years I've told you that
while circumstances are powerful, people are far more powerful. How many times
have I shown that you that while you don't have control over me, you have
control over you and how to respond to me. How many times have I shown your
doors? How many times have I thrown chance in your way to show that you that
my real name is 'change,' that the only thing about me that doesn't change is
that I am always changing? You had an epiphany in 1991 and I showed you how
well you had hidden your self from yourself and revealed to you the treasure
chest of sacredness, nobility, uniqueness, and potential deep within you chest
yet to be dug up filled with the riches of love, belief, hope, and faith.. You
had cancer and I showed you I am only about grateful 'is,' not regretful 'was'
or fearful 'will be.' Your head nearly exploded from that cerebral hemorrhage
and I showed you that I am not some convenient and safe planned out script of
a rehearsed play. Now, you're unexpectedly retiring and I'm showing you again
that there are new doors you didn't know existed that will open onto new paths
you didn't know about and which could take you into new worlds beyond your
imagination just as the doors you came upon over the past twenty-two years.
Turn the key, twist the knob, open the door, step through the doorway, and walk
whatever new path to who knows where as you have done with other doors. Stop
being anti-serenity! Stop being at war with yourself. I'm warning you; you're
going to be finished if you think there isn't unfinished business out there.
Stop thinking and feeling from a place of fear and get back to your
indefatigable fearlessness. Express yourself, take chances, don’t be held back
or held down. Be restless! Break the rules! Defy expectations! Do you hear
me? Do you hear what I am saying?"
I stopped walking. Looked at the stars above, took a deep breath, and
nodded. So, now I am now awash with happiness; at peace; optimistic, having a
growth mindset; feeling the exuberance of exploration and creativity; having
fun; driven by a sense of purpose; filled with appreciation, joy, gratitude,
and love; bringing out the "better" in me each day; I can follow my bliss by
feeling blessed where I am, when I am, and who I am, intensely blessed, 'up
fall blessed.' I don't care what anyone says. I know that cure for
meaninglessness is meaning, for purposelessness is purpose, for sadness is
happiness, for anger is joy, for being adrift is direction, for idleness is
activity, for apathy is passion.
I am self-medicating myself with a prescription of the heart medicine
of listening: listening to life; listening with my heart; listening to
understand; listening to live; listening to live now. And, listening to Susie.
None of this is malarky, platitudinous, cliche, new-age cheeriness, soft,
fluff. It's a continuation of years of often brutally honest self-reflection,
sometimes painful thinking, at times fearful feeling, reading, discussing,
studying, learning, transforming, and adventurous applying in both the life of
the classroom and life outside the classroom and now life after the classroom.
It's a blend of experience and the hard, sound scientific findings of Ed Deci's
intrinsiic motivation, Mihaly Csikzenmihalyi's intense "flow," Barbara
Fredrickson's deep, heartfelt "positivity" and "love," Martin Seligman's
"optimism" and "flourish," Robert Brooks' "resilence," Sonja Lyubomirsky's and
Daniel Gilbert's "happiness," Teresa Amabile's "creativity," Richard Boyatzis'
"resonance," Carol Sweck's "mindset" and "self theories," and a host of others.
The point is wherever and whenever, if the body sticks around while the
brain wanders off, a longer lifetime becomes a burden on self and society.
Extending the life of the body gains most meaning when we preserve the life of
the mind. You have to keep your synapses snapping. Your brain needs exercise
or it will atrophy. You're through when you're through changing, learning,
transforming, being engaged. So, nothing will work out if you don't work at
it. If you want to be easy on yourself, get out of the easy chair. You won't
rock in a rocking chair. You won't pop eating popcorn on a couch. Right now,
I'm at an emotional spa and getting back in shape. After all, being
emotionally fit is as important, if not more important, as being physically
fit.
As I said in an earlier Random Thought, I'm exploding with things to
do; I'm taking giant baby steps in developing a new life. Boy, could I have a
heck of great conversation with Barbara Fredrickson or Sonya Lyubomirsky, and
even with Martin Seligman.
Make it a good day
-Louis-
Louis Schmier
http://www.therandomthoughts.edublogs.org
203 E. Brookwood Pl http://www.therandomthoughts.com
Valdosta, Ga 31602
(C) 229-630-0821 /\ /\ /\ /\
/\
/^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__
/ \ / \
/ \/ \_ \/ / \/
/\/ / \ /\ \
//\/\/ /\ \__/__/_/\_\/
\_/__\ \
/\"If you want to climb
mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole
hills" - / \_
---
You are currently subscribed to tips as: [email protected].
To unsubscribe click here:
http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13090.68da6e6e5325aa33287ff385b70df5d5&n=T&l=tips&o=24910
or send a blank email to
leave-24910-13090.68da6e6e5325aa33287ff385b70df...@fsulist.frostburg.edu
