Hi Kathryn I am also a wheelchair user since 1990 in May TM struck and I was paralysed from waist down. Within an hour. No idea why. Turns out they told me I had had a virus. I can understand you perfectly, I went through all the emotions you describe , and still do from time to time. It does get a little easier and you learn to cope with all the frustrations. I spent 12 months away from home - 200-300 mile in fact and my children had to makes a long days journey to visit me. I was in the general hosp. first Then on to Rehab. Many times I cried, But I often thought, thank goodness it was not one of my children.
You will get to a stage when you are able to help yourself more, as your body gets stronger, it takes time tho' and you have to be strong in your self.and please forget about being embarresed, you may find that some friends drift away, but that is only because they don't know how to be with you at the moment. I do most of my house work now, do my shopping, drive a hand controled car, all these things I just could not see how on earth I would be able to do them while I was still in hospital. I have traveled to the States to Two Symposiums and to visit a friend, driven to England and on the motor ways there. Yes there are a lot of things I cannot do and that sometimres kills me, as you say brusies on knuckles etc.. and usually I give out a swear words or two, I am currently looking forward to a holiday in Tenerife, which is a four hour flight for us, they have a lovely heated swimming pool there, with a hoist to get into it. This is one thing I never thought I would do, to travel abroad to the sun for a holiday. YOU WILL ALSO do these things some day. Be Brave and stay positive (easier said than done eh!! ) But do try Keep in touch and let me know how you are getting along Love from Ann in Ireland ----- Original Message ----- From: Kathryn Keen <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[email protected]> Sent: Monday, April 24, 2006 1:08 AM Subject: [TMIC] RE:WHY DEPRESSION WITH TM > Hi, > I've just recently joined this forum and have been reading the posts for > a bit. I can relate to the depression thread here. I developed TM in > December, was hospitalised, and am now stuck in a wheelchair, and it's > affected every part of my life. My neurologist says I 'may or may not' > recover 'some' mobility. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, because I > can't imagine living this way for the rest of my life, if I don't regain > mobility. Some of the losses seem too hard for me to bear, and I keep > thinking that everyone would be much better off if I just wasn't here > anymore, because it's such a burden to everyone and at times I just > don't really want to go on. Sometimes I'll be OK and coping well for a > while, but it doesn't seem to take much to bring me down again. Don't > get me wrong; I've been trying really hard, and have been doing all the > right stuff, going to physio, doing all the exercises, hoping to get > better. I guess it's still early days yet in my case; and too early to > get despondent, or even to know what I may or may not regain. But I > sure can relate to the feelings of depression with this awful > condition. It strikes you out of the blue, and wipes out so much, and > it affects every little thing in your life. It makes you go from being > independent, active and capable, to being sick, and disabled, and having > to be so dependent on others. Every little thing becomes so difficult. > It's become so hard to negotiate my own house - a set of stairs becomes > an impassable obstacle when you're on your own - I even get jammed in > my hallway when trying to turn around! :-/ even little things can > become difficult, like getting skinned and bruised knuckles from always > banging them on things all the time while wheeling around. To me, it's > not just any one thing, but the cumulative effect of all those things; > and all the pain on top of it all; that is so depressing. From reading > some of the resources from this site and others, I realise that I may be > depressed and may see my dr about it. But I just wanted to mention that > I feel it's been a cumulative thing - where every little thing has > become so difficult and tiring; the huge losses; including > independence, the daily frustrations with dealing with a disability, and > with using mobility aids etc; and the ongoing pain; and with feeling > like a burden to others. Also; for me, I've found that I also feel so > embarrassed - like I don't want anyone who I used to know, to see me how > I am now; and just want to hide out at home. It's a pretty hard thing > to have to get your head around; much less your emotions, and also your > sense of self too. > Thanks for listening. > Regards, > Kate > (Australia) > >
