THIS IS MEANT TO BE A LITTLE ADVICE FOR ANYONE ON THE LIST THAT IS OR
HAS,SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION AND REALLY AIMED AT THE NEWER DX MEMBERS HERE,MOST
OF US THAT HAVE BEEN HERE AWHILE CAN ATTEST TO MY STORY AND WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN.
IT WAS A BEAUTIFULL SUNNY SAT MORNING FEB 5 2000,I WAS A FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC
AT A STRUCTURE FIRE,I HAD MY CAREER GOING INTO FULL SWING AND WAS LOVING WHAT I
WAS DOING,I FELT AS THOUGH I FOUND MY TRUE CALLING.AT 30 YEARS OLD WITH 12
YEARS ON THE JOB ALREADY,I HAD 4 BEAUTIFULL CHILDREN AND A WIFE THATS I LOVED
DEARLY,EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE WAS WHERE I WANTED IT.THEN CAME THE FALL,I WAS
ENTERING A BUILDING AND SLIPPED AND FELL ON ONE STEP WITH ABOUT 70 LBS OF GEAR
ON AND WENT BACKWARDS LANDING HARD ON MY HEELS AND COLLAPSING IN THE SNOW AND
HAVING EVERYTHING TURN WHITE FROM MY FACE BEING BURRIED IN THE SNOW.
I FELT A SHOCKWAVE GO UP MY SPINAL CHORD AND IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF
ME,BECAUSE I HAD HEARD OF THIS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE,WITH IN WEEKS I WAS IN
A WHEELCHAIR AND DX WITH TRANSVERSE MYELITIS AND GETTING NO ANSWERS,IVE LEARNED
THE FIRST YEAR IS TOTAL CONFUSION AND SPENT HOPING YOULL WALK AGAIN,THE SECOND
YEAR IS THE WORST BECAUSE REALITY SETS IN AND YOU START TO REALISE THERES NO
TURNING BACK AND YOU STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU,THATS WHEN I
FOUND THIS LIST AND REALISED THAT HEY! THERE IS OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR
CONDITIONS,I CREDIT THE MEMBERS OF THIS LIST AND MY CHILDREN FOR PREVENTING ME
FROM TAKING MY LIFE AND I KNOW THERES MEMBERS ON HERE THAT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT
IT,ITS THE HUMAN RESPONSE WHEN YOUVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM.ITS NOT WORTH IT,THERES SO
MUCH TO LIVE FOR AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
WELL HERE IS THE TWIST TO THIS STORY,I WAS DX WITH MS IN JUNE 2005 AND THIS
BROUGHT A WHOLE NEW SET OF FEELINGS AND CONFUSION AND AGAIN I CAME BACK TO THIS
LIST.
LAST MOTHERSDAY MYSELF AND MY WIFE OF 16 YEARS SEPERATED AND MY HEART WAS
CRUSHED,I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN HURT AND INTERNAL STRUGGLE
BECAUSE I WAS DEALING WITH MY KIDS PAIN,THE HOUSE I WAS LIVING IN WAS PUT UP
FOR SALE BY MY OWN FAMILY AND I WAS GIVEN 3 MONTHS TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE 2
WEEKS AFTER THE SPLIT UP.IN OCTOBER IT FINALLY HIT ME FULL FORCE WHAT HAD
HAPPENED AND I WENT BACK INTO A DEEP STATE OF DEPRESSION AND COULDNT FIND AWAY
TO CLAW MYSELF OUT,I LOST 65 LBS AND MADE 13 TRIPS TO THE HOSPTIAL,BUT I BEAT
IT AND THIS IS MY POINT.IF YOUR AT ROCK BOTTOM THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND
THATS UP,I DUG MYSELF OUT TWICE WITH NO MEDICATION AND NO SHRINK,THERE IS
SUNLIGHT AT THE TOP OF THE BARREL YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO IT.YOU
ARE IMPORTANT TO SO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AND ITS ABOUT BEING TRUE YOURSELF
AND THOSE THAT LOVE YOU.
AS FOR ME IM OK AND GOING DAY BY DAY,IM STILL BEST FRIENDS WITH MY WIFE AND I
WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER,OUR KIDS ARE DOING GOOD AND COPING,I HAVE DAYS WHEN
MEMORIES HIT,BUT IVE LEARNED METHODS TO COPE WITH IT.IF ANYONE ON THIS LIST
NEEDS A VOICE OR SOMONE TO CHAT WITH.PLEASE CONTACT ME AT [email protected] .
DIPLOMACY DOES NOT
WORK WHEN DEALING WITH
NUT'S HELL BENT ON
DESTROYING US.
