...Part Six...

I stood in the tiny room, with Cathal, Lee, Mike (now dressed as a
policeman), Suggs & crew all looking a little hopeful of me. 'What do you
want me to do?' I was very nervous of the answer. 'Its for the "offer a free
massage" line' Mike began 'can you put the red lipstick back on?'
'What are you wearing underneath that?' Cathal asked looking at my Madness
fleece, 'Vote For Fred t-shirt' I replied. Then Cathal said something I
never thought I'd live to hear him say to me, 'Get your kit off then'
This was starting to feel like a wind up, but I took off the fleece & put
the lippy on again & went with Mike to the back room, Graeme, the director,
was ready with lights & camera.
Mike sat in the chair, Cathal & Suggs came in & told us what we should do.
Lee grinning like a maniac gave something to Graeme, who came over & said
'Can you put this on?' It was starting to feel a little scary, what was it?
A cat mask!
We began, Cathal stood facing me pulling all the expressions that he wanted
Mike to do, Suggs in hysterics, I couldn't cope 'if you're going to laugh
you'll have to go!' I told him, not believing that I was doing what I was
doing. Lee was beside himself, I had entered the twilight zone.
Almost 3 minutes of this! 'Its not for the video is it Lee?' I asked' Its
for your personal collection!'
All done I put my fleece on again, it was incredibly cold in there. Emma
appeared, to see what I was up to. She howled when I told her. Now the band
were miaowing at me. I couldn't believe what I had done.
But oh no, it wasn't over yet. Cathal came over, everyone quiet & watching,
'Adele..' he said in that gravely croaky voice that he knows turns my knees
to jelly, 'No!' I said immediately, 'whatever it is, no!'
'It'll look really good..' he continued in that voice 'You're taking
advantage of me' I knew I had no choice, Smash had spoken & I was lost!
I took the fleece off, again, put on the dreaded lippy again! & then the
bloody half cat mask. & went back into the back room. Now Mike was tied to
the chair, Cathal asked for a bit of carpet, & would I please get down on my
hands & knees?
Oh God, I thought, its like some cheap porn movie! I was way beyond the
Twilight Zone, this was without doubt the Madness Zone.
I got on my hands & knees, in jeans & t-shirt thanking my lucky stars that I
hadn't found the mini skirt & fishnets! They stripped Mike of his socks &
shoes, put his feet on my back, Cathal 'somewhere' behind me tickling Mike's
feet with a big green feather, for the 'or else the 3rd degree' bit. Emma
stood in the door way, I kept my eyes on her, trying to convince myself that
I wasn't actually doing this & trying not to think of what was happening
behind me.
I heard Suggs saying, 'Its Miss Kitty from the House Of Fun!'
Everyone seemed very pleased with the take, I was thanked & able to get up.
Glad that Lee had gone & found the mask for me, to cover my blushes.
Fleece on quickly, Mark still miaowing at me, Emma & I escaped to the pub.
Half an hour of being in shock & it was time to go back, this time the
mourners were going to be convicts.

****************************************************
Dr. Peter T. Gardner
Rowett Research Institute
Bucksburn                                           Tel: 01224 - 712 751
Aberdeen AB21 9SB                          Fax: 01224 - 716 629
e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] / [EMAIL PROTECTED]
****************************************************
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