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Very good intelligent post.
I would call that dianetics light. David On Fri, Jul 17, 2015 at 10:15 AM, The Resolution of Mind list < trom@lists.newciv.org> wrote: > ************* > The following message is relayed to you by trom@lists.newciv.org > ************ > Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda: Why You Can't Stop Obsessing About the Past. > > By Jenna Birch > Contributing Writer > July 16, 2015 > > From: Yahoo Health > https://www.yahoo.com/health/coulda-shoulda-woulda-why-you-cant-stop-124091942417.html > > A disappointment can quickly turn into an obsession when you can’t > mentally resolve a past issue. > > LeBron James can’t get over his team’s NBA Finals loss last month to the > Golden State Warriors. He says he still has nightmares about specific > plays, missed opportunities. Even his kids know he’s in a funk. > > “You can never get out of it,” James told Bleacher Report radio. “No > matter how much you try and say you did everything you did, you gave > everything that you had and you move on, I don’t feel like you ever move > on. You’re right there in the Finals and you had an opportunity to do > something special.” > > > A loss in the big game. A missed opportunity. The loss of a job. A > breakup. A friend’s betrayal. A death in the family. Sometimes we just > can’t stop turning the past over and over in our minds, despite the fact > that we cannot change it. > > Why do we obsess? > A disappointment can quickly turn into an obsession if a person cannot > mentally resolve the past issue, says psychologist Karla Ivankovich, PhD, > an adjunct professor at the University of Illinois Springfield. > > “In most cases, you ignore, suppress, or redirect your thoughts,” she > tells Yahoo Health. “You are able to move on after a brief period of time, > when you have resolved the matter to the best of your ability, whether > literally or by way of acceptance. But thoughts turn obsessive when they > are recurrent and persistent, and produce significant anxiety as a result > of an inability to cease thinking about the particular event, thought, or > feeling.” > > From a clinical perspective, this process of obsessing over the past is > actually defined by a slightly different process-oriented term, says Simon > Rego, PsyD, director of psychology training at Montefiore Medical > Center/Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York. > > > “In cognitive behavioral therapy, the idea of someone going over and over > the past is a process called rumination,” he explains to Yahoo Health. “You > think of a cow chewing its cud, digesting and regurgitating it, again and > again. It’s the same idea. Typically, we see this in people with depressive > histories.” > > The underlying problem is an unresolved issue. “When something is not > resolved in a way that feels right in our psyche, we often find ourselves > stuck in this area,” Ivankovich says, whether it’s from a month ago, a year > ago, or even from childhood. > > It might be harder to let go of something rooted in our sense of identity, > according to Diane Robinson, PhD, a neuropsychologist at the UF Health > Cancer Center at Orlando Health. “For someone like LeBron James, he knows > he’s the best, and winning is almost like a right. His personality is so > invested in it, the ‘obsession’ becomes wrapped up in his identity. > > It’s kind of like the loss of a relationship. > > Think about a teenage girl with her first boyfriend; when they break up, > if she’s built her life around this person, it’s a part of her identity. If > she doesn’t have him, she’s lost.” > > Why can’t we let go? > > The more you think about a specific moment, person, or event in the past, > the harder it is to let go. Robinson says to think of it like a forest, in > which you’re carving pathways in the directions of your thoughts. “The more > you obsess about it, the wider the pathway becomes,” she explains. “It > becomes the path well-traveled, and your thoughts move in that direction.” > > When there’s a recurrent negative theme in your history — like James’s > four Finals losses, or a pattern in your relationships that causes them to > sour — that path becomes wider and your brain’s default. > > “For LeBron, with each loss, the past is cemented in his neural pathways,” > Ivankovich says. “We look back and obsess as a mechanism to gain > understanding into what we ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda’ done differently had > we been given a chance.” > > To a certain extent, Rego says, it’s important to realize that rumination > is a natural human reaction. “The process falls along a spectrum,” he > explains. “The brain is doing the best it can to rationalize and accept > what’s happened.” > > In most situations, and for healthy individuals, it’s OK to obsess for a > little while before moving on. It might even be a good thing, as your brain > is determining better ways of dealing with past events that may pop up > again in the future. “You are able to address the issue, determine a > corrective path for the future, and keep a mental store available so when > it arises again, you can address it differently,” Ivankovich says. > > Typically, we’ll get more chances to rewrite our personal histories. If > someone breaks up with you, you can address the reasons for the split > before your next relationship. If you get fired from your job, you can make > changes to your career life moving forward into your next position. If a > friend betrays you, you can look for similar traits and patterns that might > indicate someone is not trustworthy in the future. If you lose the big > game, you can practice harder and smarter to prepare for the next time it > arises. > > How to break out of an obsessive thought pattern > Usually, you’ll be better able to accept the past when you apply the > lessons you gleaned from your rumination phase. “We are able to learn from > prior events and write a script for ourselves that allows for differences > to be made in the event the situation arises again,” says Ivankovich. > > Ivankovich says that you may have to cycle through Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s > five stages of grief — denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, > and acceptance — in whatever order your brain decides works best for you. > > Also, think back to that well-traveled path of obsession. The way off that > road, Robinson says, is to direct your thoughts and energies down > “incompatible pathways” entirely unrelated to the object of your obsessive > ruminations. “If you’re trying to get over a relationship, for instance, > you can’t just not think about it,” she says. “You need to do something > new, something completely different — like singing at the top of your lungs > with your friends at a bar on a Friday night.” > > If you really can’t stop obsessing over losses, breakups, or other past > events, you may want to try cognitive behavioral therapy. “It can be > critical for learning techniques like thought restructuring and thought > redirecting,” says Ivankovich. “You direct your thoughts away from the > negative to a safer, positive thought. This anxiety reduction technique can > be very beneficial.” > > Rego, who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, advises his > patients to use several tactics. “You can try doing a cost-benefit > analysis,” he suggests. “Ask yourself, ‘If I review this one more time, how > will I benefit and what will the cost be?’ Write it down: benefit versus > cost. Usually, you’ll see what the rumination is costing you in terms of > energy and functioning.” > > Rego also says practicing mindful meditation can help you break your > thought patterns. “If rumination is revisiting the past, mindfulness is > turning your attention to the present moment. You’re observing your > thoughts in the moment, without reacting to them or judging them.” > > If you’re struggling with the past and it’s impacting your day-to-day > functioning, especially if it’s something that’s truly unchangeable, like a > death, seek professional help. But remember that many opportunities in life > that we beat ourselves up over do repeat themselves later on. > > And when you get those opportunities to revise your own history, jump on > ’em. “The key is in resolving the unresolved issues,” Ivankovich says. “In > relationships or in situations.” > > So, chin up, LeBron. Next year’s coming quickly. > > > Sent from my iPad > _______________________________________________ > TROM mailing list > TROM@lists.newciv.org > http://lists.newciv.org/mailman/listinfo/trom >
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