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Hi David Thanks I was struck by its very clear explanation of what we are addressing in TROM and other mental healing therapies.
Sincerely Pete McLaughlin Sent from my iPad > On Jul 17, 2015, at 10:59 AM, The Resolution of Mind list > <[email protected]> wrote: > > ************* > The following message is relayed to you by [email protected] > ************ > Very good intelligent post. > > I would call that dianetics light. > > David > >> On Fri, Jul 17, 2015 at 10:15 AM, The Resolution of Mind list >> <[email protected]> wrote: >> ************* >> The following message is relayed to you by [email protected] >> ************ >> Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda: Why You Can't Stop Obsessing About the Past. >> >> By Jenna Birch >> Contributing Writer >> July 16, 2015 >> >> From: Yahoo Health >> https://www.yahoo.com/health/coulda-shoulda-woulda-why-you-cant-stop-124091942417.html >> >> A disappointment can quickly turn into an obsession when you can’t mentally >> resolve a past issue. >> >> LeBron James can’t get over his team’s NBA Finals loss last month to the >> Golden State Warriors. He says he still has nightmares about specific plays, >> missed opportunities. Even his kids know he’s in a funk. >> >> “You can never get out of it,” James told Bleacher Report radio. “No matter >> how much you try and say you did everything you did, you gave everything >> that you had and you move on, I don’t feel like you ever move on. You’re >> right there in the Finals and you had an opportunity to do something >> special.” >> >> >> A loss in the big game. A missed opportunity. The loss of a job. A breakup. >> A friend’s betrayal. A death in the family. Sometimes we just can’t stop >> turning the past over and over in our minds, despite the fact that we cannot >> change it. >> >> Why do we obsess? >> A disappointment can quickly turn into an obsession if a person cannot >> mentally resolve the past issue, says psychologist Karla Ivankovich, PhD, an >> adjunct professor at the University of Illinois Springfield. >> >> “In most cases, you ignore, suppress, or redirect your thoughts,” she tells >> Yahoo Health. “You are able to move on after a brief period of time, when >> you have resolved the matter to the best of your ability, whether literally >> or by way of acceptance. But thoughts turn obsessive when they are recurrent >> and persistent, and produce significant anxiety as a result of an inability >> to cease thinking about the particular event, thought, or feeling.” >> >> From a clinical perspective, this process of obsessing over the past is >> actually defined by a slightly different process-oriented term, says Simon >> Rego, PsyD, director of psychology training at Montefiore Medical >> Center/Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York. >> >> >> “In cognitive behavioral therapy, the idea of someone going over and over >> the past is a process called rumination,” he explains to Yahoo Health. “You >> think of a cow chewing its cud, digesting and regurgitating it, again and >> again. It’s the same idea. Typically, we see this in people with depressive >> histories.” >> >> The underlying problem is an unresolved issue. “When something is not >> resolved in a way that feels right in our psyche, we often find ourselves >> stuck in this area,” Ivankovich says, whether it’s from a month ago, a year >> ago, or even from childhood. >> >> It might be harder to let go of something rooted in our sense of identity, >> according to Diane Robinson, PhD, a neuropsychologist at the UF Health >> Cancer Center at Orlando Health. “For someone like LeBron James, he knows >> he’s the best, and winning is almost like a right. His personality is so >> invested in it, the ‘obsession’ becomes wrapped up in his identity. >> >> It’s kind of like the loss of a relationship. >> >> Think about a teenage girl with her first boyfriend; when they break up, if >> she’s built her life around this person, it’s a part of her identity. If she >> doesn’t have him, she’s lost.” >> >> Why can’t we let go? >> >> The more you think about a specific moment, person, or event in the past, >> the harder it is to let go. Robinson says to think of it like a forest, in >> which you’re carving pathways in the directions of your thoughts. “The more >> you obsess about it, the wider the pathway becomes,” she explains. “It >> becomes the path well-traveled, and your thoughts move in that direction.” >> >> When there’s a recurrent negative theme in your history — like James’s four >> Finals losses, or a pattern in your relationships that causes them to sour — >> that path becomes wider and your brain’s default. >> >> “For LeBron, with each loss, the past is cemented in his neural pathways,” >> Ivankovich says. “We look back and obsess as a mechanism to gain >> understanding into what we ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda’ done differently had we >> been given a chance.” >> >> To a certain extent, Rego says, it’s important to realize that rumination is >> a natural human reaction. “The process falls along a spectrum,” he explains. >> “The brain is doing the best it can to rationalize and accept what’s >> happened.” >> >> In most situations, and for healthy individuals, it’s OK to obsess for a >> little while before moving on. It might even be a good thing, as your brain >> is determining better ways of dealing with past events that may pop up again >> in the future. “You are able to address the issue, determine a corrective >> path for the future, and keep a mental store available so when it arises >> again, you can address it differently,” Ivankovich says. >> >> Typically, we’ll get more chances to rewrite our personal histories. If >> someone breaks up with you, you can address the reasons for the split before >> your next relationship. If you get fired from your job, you can make changes >> to your career life moving forward into your next position. If a friend >> betrays you, you can look for similar traits and patterns that might >> indicate someone is not trustworthy in the future. If you lose the big game, >> you can practice harder and smarter to prepare for the next time it arises. >> >> How to break out of an obsessive thought pattern >> Usually, you’ll be better able to accept the past when you apply the lessons >> you gleaned from your rumination phase. “We are able to learn from prior >> events and write a script for ourselves that allows for differences to be >> made in the event the situation arises again,” says Ivankovich. >> >> Ivankovich says that you may have to cycle through Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s >> five stages of grief — denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, >> and acceptance — in whatever order your brain decides works best for you. >> >> Also, think back to that well-traveled path of obsession. The way off that >> road, Robinson says, is to direct your thoughts and energies down >> “incompatible pathways” entirely unrelated to the object of your obsessive >> ruminations. “If you’re trying to get over a relationship, for instance, you >> can’t just not think about it,” she says. “You need to do something new, >> something completely different — like singing at the top of your lungs with >> your friends at a bar on a Friday night.” >> >> If you really can’t stop obsessing over losses, breakups, or other past >> events, you may want to try cognitive behavioral therapy. “It can be >> critical for learning techniques like thought restructuring and thought >> redirecting,” says Ivankovich. “You direct your thoughts away from the >> negative to a safer, positive thought. This anxiety reduction technique can >> be very beneficial.” >> >> Rego, who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, advises his patients >> to use several tactics. “You can try doing a cost-benefit analysis,” he >> suggests. “Ask yourself, ‘If I review this one more time, how will I benefit >> and what will the cost be?’ Write it down: benefit versus cost. Usually, >> you’ll see what the rumination is costing you in terms of energy and >> functioning.” >> >> Rego also says practicing mindful meditation can help you break your thought >> patterns. “If rumination is revisiting the past, mindfulness is turning your >> attention to the present moment. You’re observing your thoughts in the >> moment, without reacting to them or judging them.” >> >> If you’re struggling with the past and it’s impacting your day-to-day >> functioning, especially if it’s something that’s truly unchangeable, like a >> death, seek professional help. But remember that many opportunities in life >> that we beat ourselves up over do repeat themselves later on. >> >> And when you get those opportunities to revise your own history, jump on >> ’em. “The key is in resolving the unresolved issues,” Ivankovich says. “In >> relationships or in situations.” >> >> So, chin up, LeBron. Next year’s coming quickly. >> >> >> Sent from my iPad >> _______________________________________________ >> TROM mailing list >> [email protected] >> http://lists.newciv.org/mailman/listinfo/trom > > _______________________________________________ > TROM mailing list > [email protected] > http://lists.newciv.org/mailman/listinfo/trom
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