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Pete,
One thing I realized is that I can't find motivators. My dad beat the idea of fighting back (or developing motivators ) out of me very early. He "nipped it in the bud", as some say. I cannot stand up for myself. I cannot fight. I can't even argue for myself. That is what is part of catatonia and cataplexy and catalepsy. That is what Hubbard is talking about in Dianetics when he says the Spartans would have no use for such an individual in their army. They would feed him to the wolves. That is in my words, because it too much trouble to look up. Do you have any suggestions on how to process that problem? David Catatonia Definition Catatonia is a condition marked by changes in muscle tone or activity associated with a large number of serious mental and physical illnesses. There are two distinct sets of symptoms that are characteristic of this condition. In catatonic stupor the individual experiences a deficit of motor (movement) activity that can render him/her motionless. Catatonic excitement, or excessive movement, is associated with violent behavior directed toward oneself or others. Features of catatonia may also be seen in Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome (NMS) which is an uncommon (but potentially lethal) reaction to some medications used to treat major mental illnesses. NMS is considered a medical emergency since 25% of untreated cases result in death <http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/death>. Catatonia can also be present in individuals suffering from a number of other physical and emotional conditions such as drug intoxication, depression, and schizophrenia <http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/schizophrenia>. It is most commonly associated with mood disorders <http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/mood+disorders>. Description In catatonic stupor, motor activity may be reduced to zero. Individuals avoid bathing and grooming, make little or no eye contact with others, may be mute and rigid, and initiate no social behaviors. In catatonic excitement the individual is extremely hyperactive although the activity seems to have no purpose. Violence toward him/herself or others may also be seen. NMS is observed as a dangerous side effect associated with certain neuroleptic (antipsychotic) drugs such as haloperidol (Haldol). It comes on suddenly and is characterized by stiffening of the muscles, fever <http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/fever>, confusion and heavy sweating. Catatonia can also be categorized as intrinsic or extrinsic. If the condition has an identifiable cause, it is designated as extrinsic. If no cause can be determined following physical examination <http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/physical+examination>, laboratory testing, and history taking, the illness is considered to be intrinsic. *Cataplexy* is a sudden and transient episode of muscle weakness accompanied by full conscious awareness, typically triggered by emotions such as laughing, crying, or terror.[1] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-1> It is the cardinal symptom of narcolepsy with cataplexy affecting roughly 70% of people who have narcolepsy <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcolepsy>,[2] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-2> and is caused by an autoimmune destruction of the neurotransmitter hypocretin <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypocretin> (also called orexin), which regulates arousal and wakefulness. Cataplexy without narcolepsy is rare and the cause is unknown. The term cataplexy originates from the Greek <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_language> κατά (*kata*, meaning "down"), and πλῆξις (*plēxis*, meaning "stroke"). Signs and symptoms Cataplexy manifests itself as muscular weakness <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weakness_%28medical%29> which may range from a barely perceptible slackening of the facial muscles <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle> to complete muscle paralysis <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paralysis> with postural collapse.[3] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-Bourgeon_2015-3> Attacks are brief, most lasting from a few seconds to a couple of minutes, and typically involve dropping of the jaw, neck weakness, and/or buckling of the knees. Even in a full-blown collapse, people are usually able to avoid injury because they learn to notice the feeling of the cataplectic attack approaching and the fall is usually slow and progressive.[4] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-Michelle_Cao_and_Christian_Guilleminault-4> Speech may be slurred and vision <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_perception> may be impaired (double vision, inability to focus), but hearing and awareness <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Awareness> remain normal. Cataplexy attacks are self-limiting and resolve without the need for medical intervention. If the person is reclining comfortably, he or she may transition into sleepiness, hypnagogic hallucinations, or a sleep-onset REM <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapid_eye_movement_sleep> period. While cataplexy worsens with fatigue, it is different from narcoleptic sleep attacks <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcolepsy> and is usually, but not always, triggered by strong emotional reactions such as laughter <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laughter>, anger <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger>, surprise <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_%28emotion%29>, awe <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Awe_%28emotion%29>, and embarrassment <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embarrassment>, or by sudden physical effort, especially if the person is caught off guard.[5] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-Carlson_2012-5> One well known example of this was the reaction of 1968 Olympic <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1968_Summer_Olympics> long jump <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_jump> medalist Bob Beamon <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Beamon> on understanding that he had broken the previous world record by over 0.5 meters (2 feet).[6] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-redgrave-6> Cataplectic attacks may also occur spontaneously with no identifiable emotional trigger. [7] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-7> <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-7> <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-7> *Catalepsy* (from Greek <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_language> *κατάληψις* "seizing/grasping") is a nervous condition characterized by muscular <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle> rigidity and fixity of posture <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_position> regardless of external stimuli, as well as decreased sensitivity to pain <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pain>.[1] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catalepsy#cite_note-1> Symptoms include: rigid body, rigid limbs, limbs staying in same position when moved (waxy flexibility <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waxy_flexibility>), no response, loss of muscle control, and slowing down of bodily functions, such as breathing.[2] <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catalepsy#cite_note-2> <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cataplexy#cite_note-7>
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