Re: [TruthTalk] Marriage, divorce, remarriage, continued

[LaurHamm]

In a message dated 7/12/2004 7:49:03 AM Central Daylight Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: Slade,   The only problem I see with this below is that (1) I see no scriptural backing for âemotional damageâ, and (2) every time someone is not happy in his/her marriage they think they are being âemotionally abusedâ.  In many cases they are simply not getting their own way, and are rebelling against the Lordâs discipline in their own life.  I believe that God uses marital difficulties to help us walk in the Spirit, rather than in the flesh.  We have ALL been there at one time or another, havenât we? And wouldnât it be a shame if we used that opportunity to declare ourselves free to take another spouse? We had better be sure the Lord has declared our marriage vows broken, and not just ourselves. Better to live alone than to take the chance of living in adultery.   On the other hand, if I were being screamed at or insulted constantly, or my children were, I donât think Iâd stick around long.  Iâm sure there are cases when there is no sane way to deal with the hatred, and remarriage might be allowed by the Lord then.  It would take a lot of prayer.  I know in my former marriage it had gotten just about that bad before I got solid proof of adultery.  I was about at the breaking point and considering legal separation, because I knew I didnât want to spend the rest of my life being treated so badly for no reason.  The kinder I was to him, the angrier he reacted.  The hatred was palpable.  I afterwards learned that when someone is cheating on you they become very angry with you because they must make YOU the bad guy to justify their sin.  The cheater knows he/she is lying, cheating, using pornography and drugs/alcohol, or whatever.  They canât deal with owning up to their guilt, so they project their guilt onto the very person they are abusing.  I think most emotional abuse is due to this. Or perhaps the abuser is just suffering from acute depression and needs medical treatment.    Izzy   This is exactly what happens.  We finally took some advice from a leader in our church and realized that my son's former wife had been playing a game for years.  It was all about her and she manipulated every situation.  My son fell for it and most of us did but after it was all over we began to see the truth.  The more he stayed home and did what she wanted the worse it got.  When Izzy talked about them transferring guilt it was another confirmation for me.  She was and is still running from the Lord.  I'm not even sure she was/is saved but of course noone knows the heart but God.  I can look back and see that there was no "fruit" that was pure.  Sin is horrible and love covers it until a person's eyes are opened.  Glenn's wife says that often the sin is not the divorce but the marriage.  She may be right!  Laura