RE: [TruthTalk] Marriage, divorce, remarriage, continued

[ShieldsFamily]

Slade,   You make some very good points.  I have never endorsed staying in an abusive situation.  I have always endorsed leaving a spouse who is REALLY abusive, although I favor separation over divorce if one is able to deal with that.  I have never condemned anyone for divorcing in such a situation.  All I say is that they must seriously, prayerfully judge for themselves whether this is God’s will in their own situation, as the only scriptural precedent I can find is divorcing for adultery, and possibly abandonment of a Believer by a nonbeliever.    I realize that many people live in helpless situations due to physical and emotional abuse.  There is no doubt that I would have divorced over physical abuse if I were in that situation, or unbearable emotional battering of my children or myself.  But I wouldn’t be able to confidently encourage anyone else to do it scripturally, except as abandonment perhaps. (1 Corinthians 7 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.)     I lived with emotional abuse at what I considered a tolerable level for 25 years and it made me a stronger Believer.  I told myself that if women in Africa could deal with starving babies I could deal with an unloving spouse—what did I have to complain about compared to them?  I learned what it meant to die to self and to obey the Lord even when it didn’t make sense at the time.  (For example once my ex secretly threw my Bible and baby books and all my personal treasures in the garbage and I never saw them again.  All because I had cleaned out his car glove box, and he was angry because he didn’t want me to find his marijuana.  And he insulted/belittled/criticized/made fun of me often, etc.  When he got caught having a fling he always “repented” and I forgave him—until the boys were grown.)  Looking back I count it well worth the sacrifice, as I was able to raise two well-adjusted Believing sons. He never abused them, although he wasn’t much of a role model in some ways. The children were my most important consideration. They are testimony to the fact that sometimes it is worth it to “stay together for the children”.  And I had a happy life as a young woman for the most part in spite of my ex.  I learned not to gauge my worth upon him, but upon Him.   All I know is that I have seen too many situations where divorce was obtained simply because someone wasn’t happy and wanted an easier life, and used “emotional abuse” to justify it.  If we wholesale broadcast emotional abuse as license to divorce we are opening the floodgates for permissiveness in this area.  If it is really unbearable, a person must do what a person must do.  I understand because many times I was at the verge myself.  I certainly don’t think a true Believer will endanger his/her salvation over such a grey issue.  Sorry for rambling…..   Izzy From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Slade Henson Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2004 5:10 PM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: RE: [TruthTalk] Marriage, divorce, remarriage, continued   The abusers in the Community of Faith really love this [i.e, "I see no scriptural backing for “emotional damage"] because they can terrorize their families and belittle their wives and they [the family] must submit to it since we no longer live in a nation where we can take the abusive husband/father to the elders in the community for judgment and possible expulsion from the Community for his behavior.   This concept of "legal separation" is unbiblical if taken too far and too long. A man is to leave his wife and give her a Get (bill of divorcement) so that she's free to find another source of comfort. Legal separation merely enslaves the person to a failed marriage.   By hard-lining yourselves against divorce, you make divorce/remarriage the unforgivable sin. What do you do with someone who divorced after their acceptance of the gift of Eternal Life via Messiah yet remarried? Do you throw them out of your church? Some do. Do you banish them to Hell? Some do. Do you belittle them, say harsh things against them, and embarrass them by using them as an example of aberrant behavior? Most do. What do you tell a woman who is battered? Stay with him... just have him arrested and jailed for 10-15 years so she can be miserable, lonely, and a single parent?   I take a bit gentler stance with divorce. However, if I divorce my wife in order to marry someone else, it is disgusting and this leads to adultery.   -- slade