David writes:
What I think is necessary for effective dialogue is to say what you mean.
John responds:
No you don't. You believe that there are rules of communication that go beyond
simply "saying what you mean." Or do you believe in insults, rude assertions and the
like? Of course not. So there is more to communication than just saying what you
mean. When I communicate, I am hopeful that my speech or written post will actually
have a positive effect. I know that this will not happen if I am hostile or
aggressive with those who are my audience. Point one, of communication, is the hope
that others will come to agree with you. Not going to happen if the others think you
are insulting them.
Point two: you say what others THINK you say. If you are insulting according to
(i.e.) Jonathan, then you are insulting. Your intentions have nothing to do with it.
Your wife tells you, in tears, that you have insulted her. You respond by saying
that such was not your intention, that she should not be so sensitive --- that you
have no plans for saying things differently. Try that for a couple of years and you
will find yourself sleeping along -- with no one to insult.
Point three: warm and fuzzy works. Case in point --- Jonathan Hughes. That's
right. Jonathan. When I first came onto this forum, he thought or acted as if I
was some kind of idiot (and, of course, we all know that that is not true [?]). He
was aggressive and even seemingly angry. But, as time has passed, I see a very real
difference in how he treats me when I write something with which he disagrees. It is
noticeable to me. Jonathan does not go after me -- even when he really wants to
(perhaps). Why the difference? Could it be that, as time has transpired, he sees a
respect in me for his views, a honor in my communication with him, a willingness to
accept his claim to the Lordship of Christ, and understanding for the passion of his
youth, and a desire to share and learn that bespeaks the community we have with each
other --- even when there was angry exchange?
Or maybe I should have just told him to go to hell and shut the book on another false
prophet and Grand Loser.
Jonathan is a puppy in the Kingdom (sorry Jonathan). A pup with good sense and an
increasing desire to be a part of a life, The Life, that once was not known to him at
all. And there is the child in all of us. Including you, David.
The Grand Assumption is this: that we are all doing the best that we can -- and the
continual flow of the blood, God's never ending patience, His enduring regard for
where we are right now contrasted with where WE REALLY WANT TO BE right now, all take
up the slack. My communication often fails to mirror this reality. But less today than
yesterday.
I see the Christ rebuking the Pharisees and patiently dealing with his disciples. The
passage I like in this regard is "come let us reason together."
John
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