The irony of Steven Spielberg’s opening narration, talking about the importance of good storytelling, then leading us into a cacophony of disjointed audio/video gibberish.
The dancers were the opposite of synchronized. They were so asynchronous that they must’ve rehearsed to be that out of sequence with one another. I mean, it had to be intentional to be that bad. If you put 100 gorillas in a chorus line, statistically one or two of them will move in unison, but not so our professional dance troop. There was an angel on a bridge playing an accordion. If heaven is filled with accordion music, I’m ok being sent down to the bad place when I die. Several minutes devoted to celebrating threesomes. Is group sex an Olympic event this year? A singing, decapitated head of Marie Antoinette is odd, but she was smiling. Severed heads should not be smiling… that’s just creepy. Then the simulated blood-soaked building. Kids are going to be describing this moment to therapists. It’s France’s oldest marching band, but rather than hear them perform, they are going to awkwardly engulf a French pop singer, because nothing says France like a claustrophobic woman surrounded by a gang of men in funny hats. Kelly Clarkson used the word “incredible” to describe everything. You know what I find incredible? That Kelly Clarkson gets paid to speak. Somebody buy the woman a thesaurus. The torch … it was a giant joint. It wasn’t a torch that looked a little bit like a joint… it was a giant joint that was only a little bit like a torch. After 90 minutes, they’d only gotten to athletes from countries starting with the letter C. For my own sanity, I had to turn it off. I remember during the opening ceremony for the London games, watching a musical number featuring dying children in hospital beds, I thought that was the weirdest moment in Olympic history. Here we are in 2024, and I can only say: Where the hell are the singing dying kids? Kevin M. (RPCV) -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "TVorNotTV" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. To view this discussion on the web visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/tvornottv/CAKgmY4AXHD2g-4CNbgOQcjwh6NQUE3%3DJJDWUpFWsHz5dR9pq_w%40mail.gmail.com.
