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My friend Tina met this cool guy on a bus. They started a conversation that lasted throughout the journey. They parted after exchanging addresses and telephone numbers.
Some time passed and the guy was not calling. Tina decided to call and invite him for lunch. But he declined saying he was not used to moving out with women. Tina was embarrassed.
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| Many women want a bold man who can lead the way in romantic explorations (Photo by Willy Tamale). |
As women, we face many such situations. You meet this guy who is likeable, you try to establish a rapport but he is shy. Each of you waits for the other to cast the first dice. Yet you know that he also knows that it is his responsibility in a man's user's manual.
In the African setting, a woman who sets the ball rolling is unacceptable because seducing is considered a man's job. And the few times we feel compelled to break this rule and write an application, we loathe the possibility of being turned down. We think the man, given all his preying characteristics and demanding ego, must really find you disgusting not to give you a try.
We rarely think of shyness as one of the possible reasons because men are supposed not to be shy.
Carol of Kampala believes that most men feel challenged when seduced by a woman.
"The most disgusting thing is the way your expectations are dashed. The guy, who appeared romantic on phone and in his SMS, comes and he cannot look you in the face or say anything on which to build a conversation. These types bring along their friends on what is supposed to be a romantic date. Then you hear them pleading in whispers to these 'escorts' not to leave them behind.
Dragging a shy man on is a burden I can only wish for my enemies. He performs better when he is away from a face-to-face situation, like on phone, in letters and SMS. And because that is his strong area, the affair gets bogged down in that region.
Mr Shy will outdo you in romantic messages and gifts because he is trying to compensate for what he cannot be when you meet. But the problem with this is that it leads you into great expectations. You invite him for lunch expecting the kiss he has always written about in his never-ending text messages and all you get is a hurried farewell, which you accept because he has started breaking glasses, trembling with fake excuses.
Kerubo of Jinja Road, says if the man she liked kept on meeting her and going without saying anything, she will get his address and send him an e-mail. There, she will state clearly how she can no longer hide her feelings and is tired of waiting for a proposal that is not coming and then ask for his opinion. If he bolts, she will consider it a good riddance. If he suggests a meeting, she will use the opportunity to prove her point.
But Jacqueline of Luwero has no time for shy guys. "Such men lack experience and have no enviable weapons in their arsenal. If they have, they don't know how to use them. They reach there and fail." She says she has no time to teach anyone the obvious.
Sandra, her workmate, agrees. She says if you succeed to take off the shyness
web from his face, he will become wild. He will discover what he can achieve by being bold and the next thing you know, he will be miles away. Linda of Bugolobi says the best way to sweep a shy man off his feet is by pretending to be shy too.
"Such men fear bold women. Telling him classified info will intimidate him and make him less active," she says.
She would give him enough time, during which she would ask him for small favours to make him feel he is a man.
Also because when a man uses his money on you, he feels he is investing. And this sets in him an urge to reap where he is sowing.
That way, he will feel compelled to talk. | 
