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There is this girl next door that you are sure you have a crush on. Fortunately, her friends have told you the babe also fancies you. Yet instead of this drawing you closer to her, it makes you shake like a leaf.
Every time you think of getting near her, you get butterflies in the stomach. When you accidentally meet, you sweat profusely and are at loss for words. When she goes away, you spend the rest of the day going over the things you should have said but did not.
Idiot, you say to yourself. You are just a shy guy. But shyness is not going to do you any good. Remember, good things come to those who go for them.
It may not be your fault but it is not bringing to you the girl of your dreams.
Women too can be shy, but most societies let them get away with it.
Understanding the source of your shyness can however be a major leap in overcoming this disease that afflicts the ego.
Most shyness is bred in childhood. It is then nurtured and fed throughout a person's lifetime. If the cycle is not cut at some point in life, it only gets worse with time.
In Psychology class we were taught that the way parents handle a child's good or bad deed affects the child's confidence. If children are rewarded, even by a mere word of mouth, for every thing that they do, for every little innovation they undertake, then they grow up with a positive outlook.
On the other hand, when children are always rebuked every time they attempt to do anything, they are bound to become timid. They have a negative outlook to life and are possessed by an inferiority complex.
So rather than go out and get humiliated, they tend to keep to themselves.
This is perhaps the most dangerous type of shyness and difficult to overcome. Even other causes of shyness rotate around this factor.
The other cause is related to past experiences. If a person ever tried to make a move on someone and it went wrong, chances are that they will keep thinking, 'Oh, I am awful, maybe that's why everything went wrong'. They never stop seeing themselves as the cause of the failed move.
If this is not shed off quickly, every time you give it a thought, it is actually reinforced. It seems real. They tend to think that the only best way of avoiding being humiliated again is to avoid trying.
Perhaps one way of getting over this is by using the 'matching hypothesis' theorem.
Try to get at targets that you consider to be within your reach. Don't overshoot; this will give you a level ground from which you can drive your manifesto all the way to Rwakitura.
Another cause of shyness especially among the youth is poor communication skills.
Most youths do not know what to say to the opposite sex. They put on bravado in the company of peers but when left alone, they are at a loss for words.
As a younger lad I used to think that every time you talked to a girl, you had to be asking for 'federo' or, at least, 'a third term'. Because I didn't know how to ask, let alone differentiate between the two, I preferred to keep away from talking to girls from my itinerary. It was not until some friend told me that talking to girls is actually not any different from talking to boys that I came out of my hibernation. It only gets better when you are talking to a girl that you have a crush on. Since that day... let me spare you the details.
So equipping yourself with basic skills can help you overcome that Mr shy-guy syndrome.
Domineering women can also be a source of trouble especially for soft-hearted fellows. Extra beautiful, rich and celebrity-status ladies can be shyness-causing agents. But once you know your levels this becomes no problem at all.
Linked to this is the kind of environment one grows up in. Remember the saying that village cocks do not crow in town?
The other cause is lack of experience. Individuals are totally confused about what it is that they are going in for. They do not know what to expect and how to face it. This is common among youth who have had strict upbringing and have gone to even stricter institutions.
It is perhaps best described as lost-out shyness. They are more timid and ignorant than shy. This can however be arrested early once the individual is given appropriate grooming.
Shyness is, in all its forms and causes, bad. It makes you lose chances and opportunities of a lifetime.
But as a man, you should learn to put your mouth where your heart is. So, before you start opening your wallet in that direction, it should be clear that the donor money you are channelling to the project is for establishing an empire and not just a development grant.
You are not the United States.
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