![]()
Flakes
Looking for the perfect man
...with Kate Getao
Only Sanaipei Ntimama has been brave enough to admit it but we know that every woman is looking for the perfect man. This man is impossible to find because he is his own opposite. As you'll see below the perfect lady wants that perfect man who is:
1. So rich that he can afford to fulfil your wildest dreams but so poor that no other woman would chase after him.
2. So daring that he would wrestle a lion on your behalf but so cautious that he would never dream of overtaking a car at a blind corner.
3. So attractive that a glance from him turns your legs to jelly but so boring that he doesn't attract even a glance from another woman.
4. So nerveless that he deals matter-of-factly with poisonous snakes, rats and other household hazards but so sensitive that he understands the nuances of the latest weepy soap opera.
5. So garrulous that he can chat with you all night but so taciturn that he appears as the strong, silent type to your friends.
6. So intelligent that NASA has sent a posse of corporate head hunters to try and recruit him but so clueless that he can't figure out how the car developed a dent.
7. So authoritative that he can get the teenagers to toe the line but so benign that you can safely leave him with the terrible toddler for a week.
8. So fastidious that he washes his hands before eating but so grubby that he willingly carries the garbage out.
9. So charming that even his mother-in-law speaks well of him but so grouchy that his closest relatives would not dream of visiting him.
10. So young that he can dance all night and still look as fresh as a daisy but so old that he has already made his fortune.
11. So creative that he plans a second honeymoon to the Seychelles for your birthday yet so punctilious that he actually remembers what day is your birthday.
12. So flexible that he whisks you out for dinner when there is a power blackout but so routine that he arrives home at the same time every evening (early of course!).
13. So athletic that he can easily run a four-minute mile but so sedentary that he wouldn't dare nag you about your slight weight problem.
14. So religious that he happily accompanies you to church every Sunday but with enough pagan instincts to sleep in on those days when you are too exhausted to be righteous.
15. So courteous that he pulls chairs out and opens doors for you, yet brash enough to confront that tiresome neighbour who practices his trumpet at 11 p.m. every night.
16. So calm that he never raises his voice during a crisis but nervous enough to go out and investigate when something goes 'bump' in the night.
17. So principled that he accurately fills in his income tax return down to the last 5 cents but tricky enough to write a deceitful note to your tardy offspring's head teacher.
18. So loving that he phones you in the office just to remind you that he loves you but So independent that he doesn't bat an eyelid when you take off for another two week business trip.
19. So insightful that he immediately notices that you are looking weary but So dense that he doesn't notice that this is your mother's twelfth 'brief' visit this year.
20. So knowledgeable that he can tell you everything from who discovered the atom to where to buy the best tights but So humble that he actually lets you get a word in edgeways.
21. So well-educated that he needs a couple of lines after his name to fit in all the citations but So down to earth that you never feel inferior in his presence.
22. So happy-go-lucky that you feel like Mary Poppins in his company but so responsible that he has the family finances worked out until 2099.
23. So neat and tidy that he cleans the bathroom and hangs up his towel but so messy that he doesn't criticise the state of your wardrobe.
24. So probing that he'll spend the whole night trying to find out why you are cross with him but so uncurious that he'd never dream of prying into your old correspondence.
25. So observant that he can safely be sent to shop for tomatoes yet too blind to see those tiny wrinkles round your eyes.
26. So trusting that he doesn't mind your crush on Denzel but so green-eyed that he won't let you shake hands with his best friend.
27. So manly that he is clearly the original cave man but so womanly that he can be your best friend.
If you have found him please let the rest of us know where his brothers live!
Have a perfect Saturday and a very happy new year.
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
