By F.D.R.Gureme
Jan 7 - 13, 2004
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Although today�s topical issues are such things as the Yuletide, New Year felicitations and the �Third Term��I propose to digress a little from the current trend and give a bit of �adult� humour to the readers: As an employee of the Ankole Kingdom government in 1949, I usually returned home late, past midnight, after the daily �pint� of local �ale�. My cousin Balaam, a parish chief, who had two wives, came twice to visit me. On both occasions I returned late. This to him was a family matter of grave concern. Next morning Balaam gently asked about my daily routine. I �How about the �good girls?�� he asked lightly. I changed the subject by asking my male servant to prepare the visitor�s hot bath and breakfast. Balaam said nothing more on the matter. But, as we parted, he casually said, �I am sending your �wife� Dorothy to keep you company; and to protect you against �hyenas� carrying deadly diseases.� I gave this not a second thought until, two nights later; I returned home to find Dorothy, his younger wife, softly breathing on my pillow! That I was delighted is an apostate understatement. I stayed with her until I joined government�s co-operative department, for which job initial training was in Entebbe. Balaam would have me take my Dorothy with me. But I might live in a dormitory. I thanked him, bought new clothes for my consort and took her back home, where a young bull was slaughtered in our honour, before I left for Entebbe. This was not unique among us Hima. Sexual liberalism among close relatives and friends was � and, to some extent, still is � practised. Take six married brothers and/or cousins. In effect each husband had six alternative sex partners. Conversely, each wife too. My wife�s married sisters will similarly be available to me; as my wife would be available to their men. Different communities had different marital customs. A rich Maasai woman is said to be �husband� to as many wives as she can afford to pay bride price for; select good sires for them, and be the �father� of the progeny; and that a man who fathers a handsome or courageous child by your wife, becomes your best friend! As a cadet District Officer, in Acholi-land, I read copy of a letter by the British District Commissioner, exercising his powers of revision over native court cases. �Although you are the natural father of the children,� he wrote, �since you took on their mother before bride price was fully refunded to Okello, her former husband, the children are Okello�s; to whom they must be returned�.� Thus, different communities have different traditions and attitudes to marriage � and sex. Now, listen! I quietly observed my 74th birthday: September 19, 2000. In practice I shared little mirth with my resident family until next morning when we listened to the day�s lead stories in the newspapers on radio; and heard about a man who had �had an affair� with his neighbour�s cow,� and was sent to prison �for the incident�. Sadly bestiality is on the rise in Uganda today. Fascinating though, was the (vet?) doctor�s report confirming that the cow had indeed been �erotically laid�. In my Ankole of yore both �partners� would have been incinerated. What wasn�t clear though, was the case status. Was it defilement (underage sex), rape or mutual consent between adults? My family is stuck with a strange case of a kitten given us hardly three months ago. She already has four rather skinny kittens; laying excessive claims to our family stores. My daughter, Joy lightly suggests that this is a case of �teenage� pregnancy, which should be settled between the major suspect, a tomcat, and the appropriate authorities. I served in Mbale, where I was struck by the preponderance of �adultery� cases, then presided over by chiefs before magistrates� courts were invented. But, I knew not a single case of sexual assault during my sojourn there. Sex was so liberally dispensed, that the word �rape� was virtually unknown because it was unnecessary. At 22, I was fully integrated into this environment. Although the locals were broke except at coffee picking season, I had a �princely� salary. Thus I had an edge over potential rivals, never mind the range of my extensive romances. I lived in Budadiri, arguably the domicile I best enjoyed in my whole stretch of government service. But I was irked by the uncouth manner in which �adulterers� were conveyed to the chiefs, about a mile away. The Bagisu, young and old, had a weird sense of humour. The two sinners, attired in the garb that they were caught wearing - or not wearing - were tied with one sisal rope, on the way to the chief�s court, followed by a jubilant crowd mocking them. This was mortifying enough. The bottom line was the sight of a man and a she-goat tied at opposite ends of a short rope; having �been caught committing adultery.� I gave up remonstrating with elders about these outrages; as they appeared to enjoy such flourishes. I had told them how, in my community, husbands would never subject their wives to such shame; unless they detested them; and wished to spite and get rid of them altogether. I vividly remember the day the �culprit adulterers� were a middle-aged man; and a seemingly matriarchal she-goat. The crowd had nearly danced its way to the courts when a noisy fellow suggested that the man preferred the goat to his wife. �We must therefore,� he urged, �strip the unloved wife of her �mbira� (waistline copulation beads), and wind them about the goat�s �waist.�� They stopped and sent two fast runners to the man�s wife, to forcefully strip her of her intimate embellishments and put them about the goat�s loin, as they led the two �lovers� to the chiefs. At that time I considered this mob behaviour outrageous. Today, with the frequency of men caught mounting babies and livestock, I would not be surprised if I caught myself nodding to the Budadirian style of arresting and conveying bestiality offenders to justice! - Contact: 077 401 173. |
� 2003 The Monitor Publications
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