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Are you one of those who set out to make love with the sole motive of doing all it takes to make your partner plead for mercy?
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| Revellers dancing to Sean Paul�s tunes at Nile Hotel (Photo by Eddie Chicco). | After all, tradition emphasizes that unless she begs you to stop at some point
while making love, do not consider yourself a 'real' man.
In an effort to create an impression, you take advantage of a poor soul who would much love to have sex with you if you could only take time to ready her rather than overwhelm her.
And when she kindly asks you to put things on hold for a while, you take it as a compliment and think that at last, you are rating highly on her scoreboard.
Or you were told by your ssenga to make your man 'work it' at least four times. "Never let him off the hook with just one round for that means you are not sexy and good enough in bed." Wishing him to want you all the time, you come up with what you think is the best recipe.
Unending pressure to keep the fire burning. You go ahead and push him for another session, closing your eyes to the fact that he cannot pull through another 'roll'.
If things don't work your way, you accuse him of having his interest on someone else. But all this is very unfair. In trying to get what you want out of your dictations, you could be stepping on your partner's foot and wasting precious time in the process.
If anything, two things could happen here. Either he refuses to dance along your tune or tries but fails to do what you command. Whatever it turns out to be, he will be left embarrassed, frustrated and exhausted.
And if you focus all your energy on making her beg for mercy, you might lose out when she begins to hate sex with you for the trauma it puts her through.
And who says good sex has to be exhaustive anyway?
If I may put in a personal opinion, tiring and overwhelming sex is an ultimate turn off. Try tenderness and sensitivity as the better way to bring the much-needed sexual fulfilment to both you and your partner.
Ellen Kreidman, author of Light her fire advises couples to take care and not advantage of their partners. "If there is to be any exhaustion, it should involve both of you since no one deserves to be taken for granted," she says.
Trying to prove a point is similar to misusing your partner's generosity and easygoing nature for your own gratification. She may try to fit into your routine and let you force all the techniques you heard about from the boys onto her.
But this rids her of the comfort and pleasure she desires and deserves from sex. Don't wait for her to spit out that your selfishness disturbs her.
And please listen when he tells you that he is human and not a machine to be fine-tuned to satisfy your insatiable libido.
If he says he cannot do it, respect his honesty instead of getting pushy.
At times, it make sense to do what you and your partner feels comfortable with instead of trying to appease tradition or live by what the ssengas say.
For all you know, they could keep you from enjoying great sex with your partner. So, what would you rather have? A traumatised partner who dreads sex with you or a relaxed one who looks forward to your lovemaking?
You alone can make that choice. | 
