By Francis Muwonge
May 7 - 13, 2004
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Psychologists say that a man should endeavour to deal with his problems outwardly. And that if he just keeps his emotions inside, it can lead to suicide. For some people, suicide is not a very distant option, especially if they got to know that their partners infected them with HIV/Aids. Such news, however it is got, has triggered different reactions. Quite a number of people have abandoned their families. Others have beaten up their partners and some have kept quiet.
What would you do yourself? Mr Ali Kalyango, a senior officer in Standard Chartered Bank says that mistreating your spouse doesn't help reverse the situation. "Bygones are bygones. However much you mistreat your partner, nothing can be put right. Instead you just worsen everything by loading your heads with misery," he says. Kalyango adds that two wrongs don't make a right. "If she infected me, beating, abusing, killing or chasing her would not cure me. It is better I give my mind a rest and maybe concentrate on the treatment, otherwise I can just die in months for not emptying my head of thoughts," he says. On the same note, Ms Annie Kalanda, ten years in marriage says, "It doesn't help mistreating a husband you think has infected you. Doing so causes endless psychological torture to yourself, your spouse and, most of all, your children," she says. "You can blame him for cheating on you. And if it is me, I just apologise and then resort to comforting one another so that we can live longer. Conflicts can't heal wounds," Kalanda says. Aids has claimed millions of people the world over and is still a menace to relationships. Some people marry afresh after being sure they have Aids. Others bring it into the home because of infidelity. That is why there are people who believe punishment should be meted to those who bring HIV. Mr John Kakembo, married with children, says he would blame himself for engaging in a relationship with a sick woman. "And I can't keep quiet if she got the disease 'gambling with outsiders'. I may keep quiet if I found her with the disease and she did not know. She could also have been a victim of circumstances. But if I discovered that she got it after we had tied the knot, I would not spare her. She would have to leave my house before she earns herself bruises," he says. Mr James Aketch, an Aids counsellor in The Aids Support Organisation (TASO) says not all people acquire HIV/Aids through sex. "There are many ways through which one can get the disease. It is not advisable to mistreat your partner because there is Aids in the home because he/she could have got it through sharing piercing instruments, blood transfusion etc," he says. "Even when one got it through sex, it is not good to harass him or her because all Aids patients need support," Aketch says. He adds that the more Aids victims get psychologically tortured, the more they suffer. Ms Joanita Kakooza, marriage counsellor, says about marriage, "We are all bound to make mistakes. And that one mistake shouldn't turn an individual into a rebel." "Before you torture your partner, put yourself in his or her shoes," she says. Kakooza adds that nothing hurts like being penalised for a crime you are already sorry for. Dr Josses Karungi of Mulago hospital says having too many worries affect the body's capacity to heal. He says that that it can reduce one's days of living. "Sick individuals should live a comfortable life. They should be psychologically peaceful because lack of peace of mind can even make one run mad. That is why some Aids patients get mental problems," Kalungi says. "People should know that everybody could get sick at any time, so there is no need of conflicting with one's partner. Instead they should focus on their future and begin seeking co-operation in treatment," he adds. |
� 2004 The Monitor Publications
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