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Article Published on:
15th July 2004. |
| Minister sells like hot cakes |
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By The Analyst EAST AFRICA, July - The Minister of Copper, Timber and Chickens (CTC) in an East African nation has become the hottest selling item in the region, following the opening of his consultancy in baby production and mismanagement. The consultancy, operating under the catchy name PARABLE, offers advice on �how to raise children without spending a dime.� �The idea is a simple one. You sleep with a woman, she delivers a couple of brats behind your back and claims you are the father. Before you can pronounce the word �timber,� she is demanding for 85 American dollars, allegedly to pay school fees. Do you know how many pieces of timber 85 dollars can buy, you?� said the thunderous minister, who is renowned for not mincing words, as he explained the rationale of the consultancy. Eighty-five dollars is the equivalent of Shs 150,000 in Uganda, Shs 7,000 in Kenya and Shs 93,000 in Tanzania at the current exchange rates. The fiery minister dismissed claims by child rights activists that it is improper to produce children if you cannot afford or do not want to provide for them. �That is chicken shit or, as the people from the coast would say, maavi ya kuku. When I was a kid, nobody paid school fees for me. I used to sell firewood and tonto to raise school fees, hence my love for natural resources. �Should a man stop sleeping around just because some stupid woman will get a kid out of him and demand payoffs? I say no! Even the Bible says, �go ye unto the world, produce, but hold onto your wallet very tightly�. Of course, there is always the option of using contraceptives, but condoms and pills cost money too. No?� Asked about the idea behind the name of his consultancy, the minister, who is known to have his way with words, explained that PARABLE is an acronym for �produce as rabbits, abandon brats like evil.� �PARABLE is here to change the way we do horizontal business. The stupid English say you cannot have your cake and eat it. PARABLE says you can have your cake, eat it without some greedy kids eyeing you, and what�s more, you wouldn�t pay a cent!� he declared. Since it opened its doors to the public, PARABLE has been besieged by thousands of potential clients eager to learn the tricks of �raising children without spending a dime.� Reports indicate that some of the men seeking the minister�s advice have come from as far away as Ituri in the Democratic Republic of Congo. |
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