|
Article Published on:
15th July 2004. |
| Competing with your children |
|
Home Sweet Home: By Nabusayi L. Wamboka This is unfamiliar territory but one which is very common. Okay I have no child over 18 but I have an aunt who lives with three of her children - all over 25. Sometimes I wonder, how does she cope? She is miserable most of the time and is torn between loving her children and living a more settled older life. My aunt is always complaining about almost everything from doing the house chores to the loud music and yes� lack of money and a string of girlfriends or late coming by this or that child. Because of the poverty, more children are resorting to staying home with their parents permanently. Some marry while still staying with their parents and even have children. So you have to create extra space to accommodate a new family within your own. Some never leave at all and when you die, they just take over your house and the life you used to live. So we all love an opportunity to develop a close, adult bond with our children. But you�ll want to handle this new situation thoughtfully so it won�t strain family relationships or crowd your living space or even damage your adult child�s personal growth. If a child is over 25, has graduated and is still staying with their parents, start to worry. The little bed that used to accommodate a 15-year old now needs to be replaced. Your control over little girls has spiralled out of control because she has 100 reasons for walking home after 1 a.m. There will always be loud music, or no music at all, piles of dirty laundry and a full kitchen sink to take care of. Not exactly what you had in mind when you sent them off to school. If your child has already landed a job, you may decide that he/she helps foot the bill for electricity or water or pay half the rent to make them more useful at home. Agree upon how long your child may stay with you. This will encourage them to get out on their own and will not leave you feeling guilty that you have sent away your child. It is more rewarding to see your child flourishing on their own than when you are making all their decisions for them. Some parents are uncomfortable collecting money from their children but this can help them build his self-esteem, create a sense of responsibility and give them a feeling of independence. Keep in mind that this is still your house. You are entitled to impose limits on smoking, drinking, sex, loud music and late night parties. If they cannot keep the terms, they have to make their own homes. |
ALL-NEW Yahoo! Messenger - sooooo many all-new ways to express yourself
