Nobel Committee Asks Obama Nicely To Return Peace Prize
By NORM DE PLEUME
Thorbjorn Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, said today
that President Obama really ought to consider returning his Nobel Peace
Prize Medal immediately, including the really nice case it came in.
Jagland, flanked by the other four members of the Committee, said theyd
never before asked for the return of a Peace Prize, even from a damnable
war-criminal like Kissinger, but that the 10% drawdown in US troops in
Afghanistan the President announced last week capped a period of
non-Peace-Prize-winner-type behavior in 2011. Guantanamos still open.
There's bombing Libya. There's blowing bin Laden away rather than putting
him on trial. Now a few US troops go home, but the US will be occupying
Afghanistan until 2014 and beyond. Dont even get me started on Yemen!
The Committee awarded Obama the coveted prize in 2009 after he made a series
of speeches in the first months of his presidency, which convinced the Peace
Prize Committee that he was: creating a new climate of...multilateral
diplomacy...an emphasis on the role of the United Nations...of dialogue and
negotiations as instruments for resolving international conflicts...and a
vision of world free of nuclear arms.
But, he revealed the committee members were all legless drunk the day they
voted, as it was the start of Norways annual aquavit-tasting festival. The
totally toasted members listened over and over to replays of Obamas Cairo
speech, tearing up and drinking shots to the glorious future: a black man
leading America and the world into a new era of peace, hope and goodwill.
For a few hours we were all 18 year-old students again at the beautiful,
occasionally sunny University of Bergen! Oh, how we cried for joy!
The chairman said the committee werent going to be pills about getting
the Prize back because they still basically really liked Mr. Obama and
that sending it back in a plain package by regular mail would fine if it
would save him the embarrassment of a public return. But added Jagland,
things could get nasty if the committee didnt see it by the time they
announce the new Peace Prize winner in the fall. He and the committee then
excused themselves to resume their celebration of Norways annual
aquavit-tasting festival.
The White House had no comment. It later announced an aggressive new covert
CIA initiative to identify and apprehend Al Qaeda operatives in Scandinavia.
Thé Mulindwas Communication Group
"With Yoweri Museveni, Ssabassajja and Dr. Kiiza Besigye, Uganda is in
anarchy"
Kuungana Mulindwa Mawasiliano Kikundi
"Pamoja na Yoweri Museveni, Ssabassajja na Dk. Kiiza Besigye, Uganda ni
katika machafuko"
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